Be a Warrior

(Originally published 26 May 2012) 

When I mention suffering from Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder, I’m sometimes asked if I’m a veteran. (Maybe they are wondering if I’m old enough to have been a nurse in Nam.) In most people’s minds, PTSD is linked to combat. But there are other traumas, other horrors, that afflict large numbers—particularly women. Victims of abuse and violence—whether a single random act in the near past, or chronic abuse from long ago—carry emotional scars and can be triggered by situations just as easily as the combat vet who dives for cover when a car backfires.

Last year, on Memorial Day, I posted a blog, My Memorial Day Dedication, which opened with this paragraph: "'Honor all who didn't survive, and choose to thrive' was my huddle today on all my teams. While some team members mentioned the holiday, and spoke in support of veterans and remembering those who serve, I am choosing to memorialize another group of the fallen: the victims of abuse who didn't become survivors."

This year I’m addressing first the survivors, and secondarily all women and men who want the ugliness and suffering to stop. Given that 1 woman 3 has been sexually abused, I know there are a whole slew of survivors here in the Sparkverse. And I have to ask, have you done your work? A common mistake a lot of people make is to attempt to change themselves physically without addressing their emotional & spiritual well-being.

In her book Throw Out Fifty Things: Clear the Clutter, Find Your Life, Gail Blanke devotes seven pages to an introduction to Part Three: “Attacking the Mental Mess”; that introduction carries its own title: “If You Think You Can Separate the Physical from the Mental Clutter, Forget About It!” Similarly, perhaps the major weakness of Western medicine (aside from being tied to a for-profit health care industry) is that it focuses on treating symptoms, rather than the underlying causes of disease or the imbalances that compromise the body’s ability to heal itself.

It’s going to be an extremely difficult, if not impossible, task to lose weight and get healthy if you don’t take on the work of addressing your emotional reasons for overeating, healing your wounded spirit, and consciously replacing outmoded mental patterns—your thoughts and beliefs about yourself, the world, and what is possible. You may be holding on to your fat because unconsciously being small means being vulnerable, while being big means being powerful; you may be determined to desexualize yourself so as to deflect unwanted attention; you may be protecting yourself with layers of fat that act as a buffer that keeps others from getting too close and possibly causing further harm. Do you really want to keep fighting your own instinct for survival and self-preservation?

It takes true bravery to face your demons and the greatest horrors of your past. There is no one right way. Finding a qualified therapist who fits your needs may be the best, most loving gift you ever give yourself. I worked for years with a talented EMDR therapist, to whom I will always be grateful. Louise Hay’s affirmations and Deepak Chopra’s works on quantum healing (current favorites are The Seven Spiritual Laws of Success and Reinventing the Body, Resurrecting the Soul) continue to play a vital role in my ongoing healing process. And I recently signed up for a beginner kung fu class at a women’s martial arts studio. I’m excited and nervous about this new adventure, and confident that it is the right next step for me.

Any woman, or man, who embarks on this arduous, necessary, and ultimately liberating journey is a warrior. By healing yourself, you help to heal the planet. As you increase your awareness and speak your truth, you help to curb the ongoing cycle of abuse. When I learned that one of my uncles molested a couple of girls at a family reunion, I wrote a letter to my female relatives, outing him as an abuser and myself as an incest survivor. I find it interesting that not long after that he was diagnosed with leukemia. His foundation was compromised; in a family of fundamentalist Christians—which I’m sure is how he saw himself—he could no longer hide and pretend.

Those of you who don’t have this particular personal battle to wage can still be warriors in the fight against the epidemic of violence and abuse. Become aware of and challenge language, “jokes,” advertising and attitudes that disrespect and demean women, that sexualize children and women’s bodies, that imply in any way that force is okay, or that it’s acceptable to take away a person’s right to choose for themselves. Let this be the generation that ends the silence and stops condoning—by ignoring—the alarming prevalence of violation and suffering.

Be a Warrior.

Note: I got many supportive comments on this blog. One member suggested I write a book to reach more people. I don't know what may come after I retire, but I know that finding ways to support others in healing will be a part of my life in some way.