Amanda's Musings

(Originally published 16 August 2021)  I had to write one last blog. It's bittersweet to be saying good-bye. This site has been a huge part of my life for 11 years, and the very best part of that has been the community of support and encouragement. Checking in daily with the teams I led, the mutual support and celebrating with Spark Friends, sending and receiving goodies—that's what I knew I would miss the most. So soon after we got the news back in June, my GG co-leader and I decided Discord would be the best place to move A Gathering of Goddesses and my beloved Babysteps Brigade. Our new home doesn't have all the bells and whistles SP did, but we post on different threads, check in, and get to play with a large number of emojis and GIFs! If you want to check it out, set up a free account on  discord.com/  and send me a message: Blessed Being#5304, And I am so thankful that SP gave us more than two months' notice before closing down. It gave us a chance to save wh...

(Originally published 27 February 2021)  That's the bold subtitle of Tracy McCubbin's 2019 organizing book Making Space, Clutter Free . Big thanks to my sister for finding and sharing it. I just picked it up from the library this morning, and loved what she has to say in the introductory chapter "What's Under the Clutter? A New Approach." She says she wants to liberate us from the shame and emotional weight of our clutter. "I want your home to be a place that you enjoy being in, that helps you quickly and efficiently get out into the world, and that you can share with others as often as you feel like. If your home isn't all three things — restful, helpful, and shareable — then on some level, your home is taking energy from you instead of supporting you to live your best life." Wow, if page 5 is that profound, I can't wait to dive in to better understanding the 7 emotional clutter blocks she identifies, and how to address them. She breaks her ...

(Originally published 17 August 2020 )   I just figured out on last Thursday that I’m suffering from burnout. After 5 months of telecommuting, I had to go into the office to swap out laptops, and was able to read flyers for the few remaining employees in the building. Some of these had tips for self-care, including one on Burnout. After reading the symptoms, I realized I fit many of the descriptors. I’ve emailed the 2 supervisors responsible for my work group, who have both been given other duties, and so have not been checking in with us regularly. It doesn’t help that I’ve had all sorts of tech issues that have required hours of IT consultation and fixes on the new computer, including a crash this morning. Or that we’ve had people out. One is on temporary assignment elsewhere, and 3 called out today, leaving only 4 of us. It was so stressful, I was on the verge of tears several times this afternoon. So when the day finally ended, I wondered “What can I do to feel better when I’...

(Originally published 24 November 2019)  This is the comment I posted on YouTube after doing one of her videos for the first time: “Ow, ow! I sure felt this one—in a good way. I don't mind squats, and lunges are OK (though I can't bend too far), but this was great! As I shared on my Spark People teams: From beginner on up, you will get a lot out of this one. Only equipment is a chair (optional) for balance. Recommended!” (It was her 16 Minute Standing Low Impact Legs Workout--No Squats or Lunges! from 2 years ago)  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5nJi7HhJJnE&t=7s As I read the other comments, I was struck by how many mentioned physical limitations and how this was the first workout they had found that worked for them. Another comment mentioned how good her prompts are, how easy to understand. I’ve shared with my teams how much I appreciate her many modifications to make things low impact, or what a beginner might need, or how to increase the challenge. I also love h...

(Originally published 10 September 2019)  My father, who was my abuser, died a week ago. We had only recently learned he had kidney disease and limited time remaining. His ex-wife, a good friend, had power of attorney over his care and is now his executor. She chose palliative care over dialysis in order to make his remaining time more comfortable, but just 3 days after his hospital release, he passed away in his sleep. Knowing he was dying, I had done an internet search and found resources for when your abuser dies, including this excellent and comprehensive one: How to Cope when Your Abuser Passes Away: 14 Steps (with Pictures) (wikihow.com)   My feelings remain ambivalent, as they were before this sudden health crisis and his passing. I was in therapy for several years at 2 times in my life, blessed with excellent therapists, the first trained in EMDR therapy, the second in family systems. We dealt with my PTSD that originated in “severe childhood sexual abuse.” I rare...

(Originally published 3 December 2013)  According to Marshall Rosenberg, author of Nonviolent Communication, it has "enormous power to create shame and guilt" yet is so ingrained and commonly used, many of us can't imagine living without it. It is the word "should." It is strongly judgmental, and suggests the person not doing what they "should" is somehow morally defective or bad — or lazy or stupid, or somehow branded by one or more negative characteristics. It also implies a lack of choice which leads to resistance, for humans crave freedom and choice, and abhor tyranny "even when it's internal tyranny in the form of a "should." Though most of the book focuses on skills and attitudes that assist you in communicating more harmoniously and effectively with others, I was most struck by Chapter 9: Connecting Compassionately with Ourselves. I especially liked the point he makes on p. 132: "Our challenge then, when we are doing ...

(Originally published 8 September 2013)  "Success is not the key to happiness. Happiness is the key to success. If you love what you are doing, you will be successful." — Albert Schweitzer That was my update today. I found it in a tapping (EFT) book I got from the library. I mentioned 2 other books I got on tapping in my last blog. I got them from the library, too, & I’ve since purchased both of them so I can review them as often as I want. I thought I might stop there, but I had picked up another library book, Freedom at Your Fingertips compiled by Ron Ball, and decided to open it up & skim. The opening chapter “The Basics of EFT” by Ron Ball is followed by chapters covering such subjects as “Abundance & Prosperity," "Addictions," "Blockages & Obstacles," "Fears & Phobias," "Pain Management,” “Procrastination” & “Weight Loss” (plus more besides), all by a different EFT practitioner or expert. I was intrig...

(Originally published 17 August 2013)  Hard to believe it’s been 4 months since I last blogged. I’ve never been an daily blogger—I wait until I have something inspiring or important to share. But I admit I’ve also gotten into that mindset that my blogs should be positive or hopeful—and that’s not really how I’ve been feeling. Life wasn’t bad. I had lost those 75 pounds over 2-plus years, I was maintaining a healthy weight and trying to focus on applying what worked with shedding the pounds with shedding that other kind of weight—the clutter in my home that has plagued me for years. Sure I’d get stressed at work, and sometimes my PTSD would get triggered, but not big time: I wasn’t miserable. Then came the pinched nerve. My arm and hand kept buzzing uncomfortably at odd times during the day, sometimes going into a dull but debilitating aching. I didn’t know what was causing it. It was getting worse, so I went to the doctor who recommended physical therapy and seeing a chiropract...

(Originally published 23 November 2012 ) The current 21-Day Meditation Challenge from the Chopra Center (on Creating Abundance) has been wonderful. My favorite so far, in the discussion before the 10-minute meditation session, was Day 10: Abundance and the Law of Karma. Deepak Chopra (who leads all the sessions in this series) introduced the concept of stewardship — responsibly caring for what we value, whether the well-being of a child, the health of our physical body, the resources of our planet. I agree that it's important to ask ourselves if we are being good stewards of our wonderous bodies, and of the minds and spirits contained therein. We need to make choices of all kinds more consciously — whether to stay up late again, blow off exercising because we're tired, buy the economy-size package of that red-light food because it's on sale, not take the time to make our lunch even though we'll be forced to eat fast food or vending machine fare again. The same goes ...

(Originally published 15 July 2012)  We keep looking for that one little thing we can do to keep us safe. We latch onto each new study finding that if we take this one pill or eat this certain breakfast food or get this amount of exercise, we'll stay healthy and all our problems will disappear. Sorry, but it doesn't work that way. Actually, it may be your fearful, angry, ashamed, and unloving thoughts and emotions that have more to do with longevity than how much fiber or how few calories you eat, or the frequency and intensity of your workouts. Consider the Helsinki study which Deepak Chopra mentions in Reinventing the Body, Resurrecting the Soul (pp 83-84): A group of middle-aged Finnish men at high risk for heart attack were placed in two groups. The control group got no special attention; they saw their doctor a few times a year and got the same general advice about eating better, exercising more, losing weight, and not smoking. The second group was followed carefully,...

(Originally published 4 July 2012 ) I knew I would spend some time this Independence Day holiday thinking about freedom. I just finished writing in my journal, and will share here where my current focus is. I enjoy greater physical freedom with the 65 pounds I've shed over the last 20 months. I'm very gradually getting free of some of the clutter and disorganization as well. There's still a lot to do on that front, but I feel more confident that I will continue to make progress. A very new possibility has opened up for me with my interest in quantum healing. If we can encourage our bodies to essentially "grow younger" and heal various conditions, to access vibrant health and energy as we attract abundance into our lives, might I heal my PTSD and chemical sensitivities at a cellular level? I have found Deepak Chopra's works such as (The Essential) Ageless Body, Timeless Mind , The Seven Spiritual Laws of Success , and especially Reinventing the Body, Resu...

(Originally published 1 July 2012 )   I just finished Deepak Chopra's Reinventing the Body, Resurrecting the Soul . * It may be the best self-help book I have ever read; it is certainly one of the most profound, powerful, and practical. It is so good that as soon as I finished the final page, I turned back to the first in order to begin again. This time I plan to spend more time delving into the exercises, recording and journaling on the various tools and activities he suggests. The book opens on a very personal note. At the beginning of the Introduction: The Forgotten Miracle, he recounts his first encounter with a cadaver in medical school: "I took my scalpel and cut a fine line down the skin over the breastbone. The mystery of the human body was about to reveal itself. At that moment I also stripped the body of its sacred nature. I crossed a line that is nearly impossible to recross ever again." The first section of the book is Reinventing Your Body. Here Chopra ...

(Originally published 10 June 2012)  My team huddles “You have time for what matters most.” and today's status “BLESSEDBEING just finished reading Chopra's RTB, RTS Breakthrough #5: Time Isn't Your Enemy. Awesome! Blog to come. (Teaser: Diet & exercise are NOT the main keys to anti-aging.)” gave a preview to this blog. Deepak Chopra wrote Reinventing the Body, Resurrecting the Soul in 2009. I'm still slogging through Quantum Healing at work, reading over my lunch hour; it was written in the 80's, more dry science, less humor and poetry. In contrast, I was reading the newer book on the elliptical machine at the club today, alternately laughing and crying. There is such power, such beauty, such simplicity to his message. This may be my favorite book of his so far. I had gotten a hint when I read The Essential Ageless Body, Timeless Mind (condensed from that popular work from 15 years ago) about the mistaken beliefs we have about time. I've started using an...

(Originally published 9 June 2012)  "Seen symbolically, all disorders are cases where the body becomes a stranger, an enemy, a failed ally, or a defeated victim. To prevent those metaphors from turning into reality, you need to offer reassurance to your body that you will care for it, that you will listen when it speaks." That's from Deepak Chopra's Reinventing the Body, Resurrecting the Soul (p. 130 in the large print version). It appears in the section on Breakthrough #4: You Can Improve Your Genes. In this book and others, Chopra demonstrates how the body has amazing abilities to correct and heal itself. But for this to happen, "you need to feel comfortable in your body. There has to be a basic connection that isn't blocked by guilt, shame, and discomfort." Your thoughts and feelings determine how your cells will function. If your thoughts are constantly unhappy--angry, frustrated, sad, judgemental — losing weight and getting healthy is going to ...

(Originally published 3 June 2012)  "BLESSEDBEING is now officially at my original goal weight of 150 = 65 pounds lost! I've got my Amazon shopping cart standing by!" That was my status from this morning. I don't move my weight tracker the first time I touch on a new weight level. Once I've reached a new low weight (rounded to the pound) and maintained it for 3 days, then I consider it official. I probably didn't set a goal weight when I first joined Spark People in the summer of 2009; I probably did it in the fall of 2010 when I started my serious solo-Sparking (before I discovered the power of Spark teams). 150 seemed really far away from 215, where I began. 65 pounds, a 30% weight loss is significant. I went from a size 18 or 2X in Women's sizes to a size 12 or Large in Misses. (I've even bought one size 10 pair of pants!) I look better and feel better. My joints rarely hurt and I don't get as tired. Why am I not more excited about this? I...

(Originally published 10 May 2012)  Here's my huddle today: Pay attention to your successes! . . .which makes more sense when combined with today's status quote: "Whatever you put your attention on will grow stronger in your life. Whatever you take your attention away from will wither, disintegrate, & disappear." (Chopra) What do you want to increase in life? If we would all stop obsessing over the things we don't like in our lives — every molecule of fat in our bodies, every ounce gained, every out-of-place item in our homes, every rude driver (one of my peeves), every mistake made by us or the people around us — they just might show up less in our lives, or at least would cause us less misery. The quote is from Deepak Chopra's The Seven Spiritual Laws of Success, a very slim volume containing some profound wisdom. It comes from the discussion of the law of intention and desire. Our thinking can so easily get in the way of accomplishing our goals an...

(Originally published 14 February 2012)  I do adore this site for giving us the tools and the space to come together, and my Spark Friends for enriching my life as we walk this path together. And it is a good thing to tell the people who matter to us how very much we care, not just on Valentine's Day, but every day of the year. Self-love is often the harder lesson to learn and practice. The pain and suffering I hear in some of my Spark Friends' sharings — and the blogs I discover that they have commented on — can make my heart just ache. I am saddened whenever I hear someone expressing that belief that they aren't good enough or they can never change. I hate these lies that too many of us were sold in the past that stand as a barrier to creating the joyful and healthy lives that we all desire and deserve. And my comments are often variations on the message to be gentle with yourself, let go of trying to be perfect, choose one small, positive step you can take now, and w...

(Originally published 15 January 2012 )   I was planning for my next blog to address my organizing campaign, which is my focus for this year, but instead it comes from my returning to a book I hadn't looked at in months, when I wanted something to read with my morning cup of coffee. It is Lilias! Yoga Gets Better with Age by Lilias Folan. She's had a long-running yoga program on PBS, and I became a fan of her AM and PM Yoga for Seniors video as a way to get back into a gentle yoga practice that honored my joints and plus-sized body. I had finally returned the copy I had gotten from the library, replacing it with one from Amazon (a spiral-bound one that can lie open as you work on postures, which is cool) — and promptly left off reading it somewhere in the middle. So I finished the section on the Wisdom Body (having previously read the parts dealing with the Physical Body, Energy Body and Mental/Emotional Body), this one focusing primarily on meditation. Then to the brief expl...