Amanda's Musings

Back when I was a member of Spark People, before they closed down their free fitness and social media site, I would blog periodically and those posts could potentially be seen by hundreds or even thousands of Sparkers, though I typically would get just a small handful of responses. I reposted many of the hundred-plus blogs I posted there over 10 years or so on this site, but those have not been seen by more than a few former Spark Friends. My PTSD has been triggered quite a bit over the past months, and my therapist has encouraged me to use my voice to speak about some of the events that have so deeply affected me. The abortion rights debate and the recent mass shootings have elicited especially strong emotions, so I have committed to speaking out. My first substantive blog in almost 10 months, which I will post next, is " Hypocrisy of the 'Pro Birth' Zealots. " 

(Originally published 16 August 2021)  I had to write one last blog. It's bittersweet to be saying good-bye. This site has been a huge part of my life for 11 years, and the very best part of that has been the community of support and encouragement. Checking in daily with the teams I led, the mutual support and celebrating with Spark Friends, sending and receiving goodies—that's what I knew I would miss the most. So soon after we got the news back in June, my GG co-leader and I decided Discord would be the best place to move A Gathering of Goddesses and my beloved Babysteps Brigade. Our new home doesn't have all the bells and whistles SP did, but we post on different threads, check in, and get to play with a large number of emojis and GIFs! If you want to check it out, set up a free account on  discord.com/  and send me a message: Blessed Being#5304, And I am so thankful that SP gave us more than two months' notice before closing down. It gave us a chance to save wh...

(Originally published 25 January 2011)  I read a Spark Friend's list on her blog, and couldn't help wondering how I would answer — though knowing (as usual) that I wouldn't just answer straight out or simply. As is my habit, I'll be revising and tweaking, just like in school when I would propose alternate or modified assignments to make it something that interested me, and generally doing far more than requested, or required. (I so "get" Hermione!) But I will challenge myself to keep to 3 responses per category — which for someone who loves to embellish, and revels in details and abundance, this will be a challenge! Three names I go by: * BLESSEDBEING (here on Spark People) * Amanda (the predominant one since I legally changed my name in my thirties from my given one, which was Lois) * spocksmom (a user name I'm fond of, for reason clear to TOS Trekkers) Three places I've lived in the past (amongst others): * Idaho Falls, Idaho * Oakland, Cali...

(Originally published 30 January 2021)   I will say up front I refuse to use the Spark People emoticon “Keep Pushing.” I find it triggering and have wanted to explain why in a blog for a while now. I tense up when a YouTube instructor uses those words as well. I get defensive and resistant. As a victim of severe childhood sexual abuse, I was forced to do things I hated so much, that were so horrifying, I dissociated. My mind simply shut down & went away to protect myself from the trauma. So anything that smacks of force or pressure to behave a certain way is anathema to me. One of the first YouTube instructors I discovered, whom I sometimes like—Jessica Smith—said something I really appreciated: “Challenge yourself, but always take care of yourself.” And BodyFit by Amy (a longtime favorite) has several phrases I find motivating: “You be where you are today”; “If you showed up today, you are successful”; “Listen to your body and do what you need to do.” As Jessica ur...

(Originally published 26 November 2020)  I loved a comment I received on my previous blog 'Does it have to be my "best"?' I just sent her a goodie with this message, that I thought might be helpful for anyone else who is exhausted by chasing perfection or struggles with disappointment when they don't manage to do their "best": Your phrase "Let's do okay" has made it into my morning journaling more than once! I've taken to adding 'today' at the end: "Let's do okay today!" My inner parts can get really excited, because we know we can achieve that, rather than the elusive "best." This morning, one part laughed "We might even do Really Good today." I just find it energizing to know I won't fail. I wanted to send a special Thank You & wish you a joyous Thanksgiving Day. And while I'm thankful to this Sparker in particular, I'm also grateful for this site and for teammates around t...

  (Originally published 17 March 2013 ) Last night I shared a dear Spark Friend's posting in my comments on another Spark Friend's blog. ROSALIEESTHER's words had affected me deeply when she posted them on our Babysteps Brigade team on 2/28, and I recalled that I wanted to share them with others in a blog. So here I am, and these are her words: "I've been thinking a lot lately about the baby part of baby steps. Seems to me that we need to learn to embrace each step we make just as we would a baby's step. Wouldn't we make much of a baby learning to walk? Wouldn't we be gentle and full of admiration even if that baby faltered and fell? Let's see ourselves with kind and loving eyes. Let's allow ourselves to take the time it takes to make progress. In the grand scheme of things we are all babies." I shared her post on my other 2 main teams, and several people responded favorably to the themes of being gentle with ourselves and celebrating...

(Originally published 29 December 2012)  Inspired by a Spark Friend who posted such a blog, I would like to mention 3 major positive influences which have supported my growth this year: Spark People, Seven Star Women's Kung Fu, and the Chopra Center. I've been actively Sparking for more than 2 years, but this year has been more consistent (517 straight days of logging in — WooHoo!) and I've hit 2 major milestones this year. When I began this journey weighing in at 215 (well into the obese range as a short woman), 150 seemed a very far off dream. I reached that just before mid-year, and I finally broke into a healthy BMI at the end of the year here. I love the tools and resources and diversity on this site! The wonderful teams I co-lead, my beloved Babysteps Brigade, Survivors of Abuse and A Gathering of Goddesses, have played a large part in my success. Checking in daily, sharing questions, ideas, struggles, progress, inspiration — all this has kept me on track and moti...

(Originally published 14 February 2012)  I do adore this site for giving us the tools and the space to come together, and my Spark Friends for enriching my life as we walk this path together. And it is a good thing to tell the people who matter to us how very much we care, not just on Valentine's Day, but every day of the year. Self-love is often the harder lesson to learn and practice. The pain and suffering I hear in some of my Spark Friends' sharings — and the blogs I discover that they have commented on — can make my heart just ache. I am saddened whenever I hear someone expressing that belief that they aren't good enough or they can never change. I hate these lies that too many of us were sold in the past that stand as a barrier to creating the joyful and healthy lives that we all desire and deserve. And my comments are often variations on the message to be gentle with yourself, let go of trying to be perfect, choose one small, positive step you can take now, and w...

(Originally published 1 January 2012)  [This was inspired by " one of my favorite ever blogs" by another Spark member, entitled  Looking back on 2011, but only for a minute, & the Year of Me — which sadly I can no longer find]   I totally relate to yearning for purpose and passion. I found my path this last year thanks to the amazing Sparkverse, and my awesome Spark Friends. Since the fall of 2010, I've lost 55 pounds — one quarter of my original body weight! I will continue to practice the fitness habits that have brought me this far, and I will eventually reach a healthy (according to BMI standards) weight. I've chosen a new life area to focus my attention on in the coming year — organizing my home and life. I'm going to concentrate on my Conquer Clutter Campaign, which I haven't blogged about since launching the Babysteps Brigade team. In order to win the war against ingrained packrat habits, I need to strive for a desired end, and not just focus on w...