Amanda's Musings

(Originally published 29 February 2020)  I knew it was coming up, but I actually missed my own 10-year sobriety anniversary! It got eclipsed by official notification of my career position—ending a 14-month temporary assignment (which had been extended 3 months beyond the original 12) & the increasingly anxious 7-month job hunt for a more secure placement. But I know this is a major milestone, and I want to acknowledge it. Getting and staying sober was also the beginning of my journey away from obesity to greater wellness. It’s not that I was completely unhealthy before. I was into personal growth and working on my PTS issues, I ate lots of vegetable, I exercised some and was proud of my flexibility. Even at my heaviest (215 pounds on a 5’3” frame), I could bend at the waist and place my hands flat on the floor. I had tried to get sober with AA back in California, but had several unfortunate experiences that, as an incest survivor, made me feel unsafe in meetings and with sp...

(Originally published 15 July 2012)  We keep looking for that one little thing we can do to keep us safe. We latch onto each new study finding that if we take this one pill or eat this certain breakfast food or get this amount of exercise, we'll stay healthy and all our problems will disappear. Sorry, but it doesn't work that way. Actually, it may be your fearful, angry, ashamed, and unloving thoughts and emotions that have more to do with longevity than how much fiber or how few calories you eat, or the frequency and intensity of your workouts. Consider the Helsinki study which Deepak Chopra mentions in Reinventing the Body, Resurrecting the Soul (pp 83-84): A group of middle-aged Finnish men at high risk for heart attack were placed in two groups. The control group got no special attention; they saw their doctor a few times a year and got the same general advice about eating better, exercising more, losing weight, and not smoking. The second group was followed carefully,...

(Originally published 1 July 2012 )   I just finished Deepak Chopra's Reinventing the Body, Resurrecting the Soul . * It may be the best self-help book I have ever read; it is certainly one of the most profound, powerful, and practical. It is so good that as soon as I finished the final page, I turned back to the first in order to begin again. This time I plan to spend more time delving into the exercises, recording and journaling on the various tools and activities he suggests. The book opens on a very personal note. At the beginning of the Introduction: The Forgotten Miracle, he recounts his first encounter with a cadaver in medical school: "I took my scalpel and cut a fine line down the skin over the breastbone. The mystery of the human body was about to reveal itself. At that moment I also stripped the body of its sacred nature. I crossed a line that is nearly impossible to recross ever again." The first section of the book is Reinventing Your Body. Here Chopra ...

(Originally published 6 April 2011)  I’m reading The Spark [by Spark People founder, Chris Downey] and in chapter 2, CORNERSTONE: Focus, he says on page 20, “Locating your purpose and your deepest life intentions can help you move with greater clarity each day of your life.” This definitely struck a chord. As a budding radical, I gave a high school graduation speech on the themes of relevance and organization. Yet I have sensed for some time that my life has been lacking a sense of true meaning. Years ago in California, I was working with an alternative therapist who spoke of creating a statement of your purpose with an active verb. To illustrate, she quoted a friend’s purpose “to midwife the Goddess.” That phrase has stayed with me for well over a decade. Sometime later, I was walking across the street to my apartment building, and picked a penny up off the asphalt. I looked at it as I continued crossing, and for the first time ever, registered the word minted there: Liberty. My...

(Originally published 24 March 2011) (Don’t worry, I’ll get to the mirror part yet — I just have to work my way there!) I left off mourning the tendency of many people — especially women — to withhold love and approval of themselves until some possible future when they just might attain a level of improvement, if not perfection, that would entitle them to earn compliments instead of criticism, when they could delight in rather than denigrate themselves. And I grieved for the 20% of Spark survey takers who could not imagine ever being satisfied with/pleased by/loving their bodies (sorry, I can’t remember the survey wording), no matter what improvements they managed to make. I know there is a goddess in every woman waiting to be discovered, waiting to be celebrated, cherished, adorned, to be respected, and afforded the exquisite care she deserves. Are you ready to claim her? Do you remember reading The Da Vinci Code, coming across the words "sacred feminine" and feeling you...

(Originally published 23 March 2011) A little background first. Two nights ago I read a Spark Friend's blog in which she spoke of not liking her looks, as in active dislike and non-acceptance. I proceeded to type several impassioned paragraphs, starting with how her words made me want to cry. But before I was done and could submit my reply, one of my fingers evidently hit the wrong key, and the entire message disappeared. I was much too tired to try to recreate it at the time, so left some abbreviated comments on her page and called it a night. I am currently transcribing my Motherpeace tarot reading from Ostara, the Spring Equinox. (I've been using this multi-cultural, matriarchal round deck for years, but have not memorized the meaning of each card, so I use Vicki Noble's book to explore the significance of each card in relation to its placement in the spread.) Given that I turned the Shaman of Swords in the Near Future position, about which Vicki writes "Share you...