Amanda's Musings

(Originally published 2 March 2019)  Today I turn 64 years young. I refuse to think of myself as old. Indeed, I frequently begin affirmations with the phrase "I am young and healthy, I am strong and free," ending with an adverb (ending in ‘-ly’) such as "I choose to live intentionally." (I tend to favor rhyming affirmations.) A birthday, like the start of a new year, is a good time for reflection. I’m just 1 year way from needing to register for Social Security, though I plan on working until age 70 (at least). Speaking of working, the biggest change in the last year was finally getting a new job—leaving state employment for a position with King County. It has been a tremendous relief to no longer constantly worry about money. I’m not spending a lot more, but I don’t have to question every purchase or always choose the cheapest item. It’s been challenging to learn a completely new body of information. My customer service skills serve me well, and Outlook is the ...

(Originally published 1 January 2017)   Hopefully you've figured out on your own, or accepted what they keep telling us here on Spark People, that starting the New Year with a big honking laundry list of resolutions about how you're suddenly going to be perfect is a sure-fire plan to fail. We can all make positive changes in our lives as long as we do it with focus, compassion, creativity, balance, and humor. (You were expecting me to advise you to be realistic, right? That can be helpful — as opposed to the fantasy of "I'm going to change these 10 things all at the same time and I'm going to do everything perfectly right now!" But to me admonitions to "be realistic" can carry a sense of limitation or lack, like if I was just good enough or motivated or something else enough, I could take the accelerated road to success, but because of something lacking in me, I'll have to be satisfied with the watered-down, easier, it'll take me so much l...

(Originally published 27 September 2016)  This was my status update last night: Rats! I had this vision of rearranging some things in the living room to have what I use most often easy to get to--but now it's less accessible due to clutter that got relocated. Discouraging! I've done a lot of parts work over the years, and in my daily journaling, I have a number of pretty distinctive inner parts/voices/selves who sometimes lead different sections of our journaling sessions. One sort of junior, helping part really stepped up and spoke out this morning in relation to the previous evening's upset. Here's what she had to say: “I am woman, hear me roar!  We may have had a setback yesterday, but we are on the move. We haven't arrived yet at how we want our space to look and feel and function, but we're taking steps, we're in motion, so a big hooray for us!! And really, bringing in new energy and making a change is strong and creative . Leaving things as they ...

(Originally published 25 December 2014) I’ve made my peace with scaling back on gift buying, given the economy and my (so far) unsuccessful attempts to obtain a better-paying job. And then I ended up sick, and have put off joining my sister and brother-in-law for a holiday get-together. So I find myself contemplating the giving and receiving of gifts. In my status today, I posted this: “In this season, & on this day of exchanging gifts, what non-material gifts will you pledge to yourself? A gift of time, of planning, of acceptance, support or encouragement? What will help you most?” I don’t claim to have any great words of wisdom, just the sense that what really matters most, and what will benefit our lives in the most profound ways, are those intangibles that only we can bestow: the changes in attitude, thoughts, actions, habits and patterns that can lead to consistent—if slow—progress toward our most cherished fitness, organizational, relationship, financial, emotional health...

(Originally published 4 April 2014)  I will take babysteps today — I will, I will, I will! Goddess, I want to make changes, make progress, move forward toward my goals! I want to feel free and powerful. I can't get there all at once, but I can take action TODAY! I can take *at least* one step — and maybe even more than one. Yes!

(Originally published 3 December 2013)  According to Marshall Rosenberg, author of Nonviolent Communication, it has "enormous power to create shame and guilt" yet is so ingrained and commonly used, many of us can't imagine living without it. It is the word "should." It is strongly judgmental, and suggests the person not doing what they "should" is somehow morally defective or bad — or lazy or stupid, or somehow branded by one or more negative characteristics. It also implies a lack of choice which leads to resistance, for humans crave freedom and choice, and abhor tyranny "even when it's internal tyranny in the form of a "should." Though most of the book focuses on skills and attitudes that assist you in communicating more harmoniously and effectively with others, I was most struck by Chapter 9: Connecting Compassionately with Ourselves. I especially liked the point he makes on p. 132: "Our challenge then, when we are doing ...

  (Originally published 17 March 2013 ) Last night I shared a dear Spark Friend's posting in my comments on another Spark Friend's blog. ROSALIEESTHER's words had affected me deeply when she posted them on our Babysteps Brigade team on 2/28, and I recalled that I wanted to share them with others in a blog. So here I am, and these are her words: "I've been thinking a lot lately about the baby part of baby steps. Seems to me that we need to learn to embrace each step we make just as we would a baby's step. Wouldn't we make much of a baby learning to walk? Wouldn't we be gentle and full of admiration even if that baby faltered and fell? Let's see ourselves with kind and loving eyes. Let's allow ourselves to take the time it takes to make progress. In the grand scheme of things we are all babies." I shared her post on my other 2 main teams, and several people responded favorably to the themes of being gentle with ourselves and celebrating...

(Originally published 3 June 2012)  "BLESSEDBEING is now officially at my original goal weight of 150 = 65 pounds lost! I've got my Amazon shopping cart standing by!" That was my status from this morning. I don't move my weight tracker the first time I touch on a new weight level. Once I've reached a new low weight (rounded to the pound) and maintained it for 3 days, then I consider it official. I probably didn't set a goal weight when I first joined Spark People in the summer of 2009; I probably did it in the fall of 2010 when I started my serious solo-Sparking (before I discovered the power of Spark teams). 150 seemed really far away from 215, where I began. 65 pounds, a 30% weight loss is significant. I went from a size 18 or 2X in Women's sizes to a size 12 or Large in Misses. (I've even bought one size 10 pair of pants!) I look better and feel better. My joints rarely hurt and I don't get as tired. Why am I not more excited about this? I...

(Originally published 21 May 2012 as " I know it's Spark heresy, but . . ." )  . . . I don't track my food. Now I don't object to anyone else tracking theirs. I've heard *many* Sparkers report how tracking is one of their most cherished and useful tools here on the site, and I say more power to 'em! I just don't want to do it. And just to let you know, I've lost over 60 pounds in the last year-and-a-half-plus, which represents more than a 25% reduction in my body weight, without weighing and measuring food or counting calories, carbs, fat, and the rest. I do track my freggie servings daily, and my water — which is woefully shy of the recommended 8 or more cups per day. I also track a couple of team goals related to food: on A Gathering of Goddesses, my Earth goal is to eat one or more servings of raw, unprocessed fruit or vegetables, and my healthy eating goal on the Babysteps Brigade is to eat no more than one dessert serving daily. (I tend to...

(Originally published 1 May 2012)  When I think and talk about organizing, I often focus on what I don't want — to lose or forget things, what I want to get rid of — the clutter, the junk, the messiness, & how I don't want to feel — ashamed, sloppy, hopeless, frustrated. Positive language is recommended for affirmations, and I have created a pair of statements around this issue: "I choose how I will live — I choose to live in beauty and order; I choose how I will live — I choose to live in comfort and ease." I had an insight this morning while shuffling my Mother Peace tarot cards for a reading, and formulating the question I for which I was seeking guidance: I passionately desire to create a beautiful, intentional and supportive environment. Words have power, and for me, this phrase summarizes essential qualities that were missing from my family home, and for which I yearn. Just as I am more motivated to *increase* strength, flexibility, fitness, health, an...

(Originally published 18 March 2012)  Whether you actually did this in science class or not, you know how rats are put into a maze, and how they run down and back those passages looking for the cheese. Once they've gone down the same passage a few times and found no reward there, they usually stop going that way and concentrate their search in different directions where the likelihood of finding their cheesy reward is greater. So are you as smart as the average lab rat? Are there goals you want to accomplish — some reward as important to you as a chunk of cheese is to a rat? Are there paths and actions you have taken in the past that have proved unsuccessful at bringing you closer to your goals? Have you abandoned them and tried a new way? Maybe you think you know exactly how to reach your destination. You have the perfect road map: to lose those unwanted pounds, you just have to give up sugar and fat and salt, most of your favorite foods and do 30 minutes of cardio and 30 mo...

(Originally published 16 January 2012)  When I went back to see when I last posted a CCC blog, I discovered my first ever blog here on SP was 1/12/11, so I've been blogging just over a year. I had 3 officially named 3C blogs, the last one written a few days after I launched the Babysteps Brigade team on February 2nd of last year. Organizing took a bit of a back seat this past year. I became a co-leader on 2 other teams, A Gathering of Goddesses and Survivors of Abuse. And I experienced true success on my fitness and weight loss journey. I've lost more than 55 pounds now, and am less than 10 from my original goal. I left the obese BMI range behind and dropped 3 pants sizes. I've already lost more than a quarter of my original body weight. Once I get to my goal of 150, I can lose another 10 and reach the healthy BMI range for my height--and a total loss of 75 pounds at that point will represent more than a third of my body weight gone for good. The change has been slow and ...

(Originally published 23 December 2011)  It’s been a sad Solstice week at work. One of my coworkers, Gale, had scheduled several weeks off for an operation and recovery. The surgery went fine on Monday, but Tuesday, she went into cardiac arrest and was put on life support. Wednesday her husband called to say she was gone, because there was no brain activity. Her body wasn’t ready to let go, and Thursday there was no resolution. Her husband and sister told her it was OK to leave. We finally got word today (Friday) that she had passed. When it became clear that the person she had been was no longer here, I prayed for the Goddess to take Her daughter home, and for Gale to let go and be with the angels. I didn’t want her family to have every Christmas Eve or Christmas Day to come be an anniversary of losing her. For the last several days I’ve been struck by numerous things. I’m reminded of how precious life is, and that we never know how long we or the people around us have. Tellin...

(Originally published 17 September 2011)  No, that is certainly not an original phrase; it's something of a personal growth aphorism. Yes, I believe it is far better to make positive choices because we want to enjoy benefits and positive consequences and prevent suffering and negative consequences. And yes, I still catch myself "shoulding" on me from time to time. What's the big deal, you may ask, aside from a mildly amusing play on words? When we think and speak in terms of what we "should" be doing, the desired behavior begins to change from a merely healthy or helpful action, and take on the quality of being "good for us," and if we therefore perform this activity adequately, we see ourselves as successful and "good." But if we don't perform the action at all, or not well enough or often enough, in our eyes we have "failed" and we must be "bad." We may use different words, like lazy, fat, stupid, helpless, p...

(Originally published 2 August 2011)   Yosemite National Park has some of the most glorious scenery on Earth, in my opinion. I always buy myself a Yosemite wall calendar, so I can enjoy its beauty throughout the year. I was rather disappointed when I turned the page for a new month and beheld a single tree standing next to a boulder. My sarcastic reaction was "Oh whoopee, a big rock!" But at my choice of phrase, I had to laugh. Have you heard the story of Big Rocks? Supposedly a man leading a workshop on time management began with a demonstration. He had a glass cylinder into which he put several rocks, until they reached the top. He asked the class if the container were full. They agreed it was full. He then poured several scoops of gravel into the container, where it settled around the rocks, until it reached the top. This time when he asked the class if the container was full, they were divided, and none were certain what the answer should be. So he took a bag of sa...