Amanda's Musings

(Originally published 16 August 2021)  I had to write one last blog. It's bittersweet to be saying good-bye. This site has been a huge part of my life for 11 years, and the very best part of that has been the community of support and encouragement. Checking in daily with the teams I led, the mutual support and celebrating with Spark Friends, sending and receiving goodies—that's what I knew I would miss the most. So soon after we got the news back in June, my GG co-leader and I decided Discord would be the best place to move A Gathering of Goddesses and my beloved Babysteps Brigade. Our new home doesn't have all the bells and whistles SP did, but we post on different threads, check in, and get to play with a large number of emojis and GIFs! If you want to check it out, set up a free account on  discord.com/  and send me a message: Blessed Being#5304, And I am so thankful that SP gave us more than two months' notice before closing down. It gave us a chance to save wh...

(Originally published 26 November 2020)  I loved a comment I received on my previous blog 'Does it have to be my "best"?' I just sent her a goodie with this message, that I thought might be helpful for anyone else who is exhausted by chasing perfection or struggles with disappointment when they don't manage to do their "best": Your phrase "Let's do okay" has made it into my morning journaling more than once! I've taken to adding 'today' at the end: "Let's do okay today!" My inner parts can get really excited, because we know we can achieve that, rather than the elusive "best." This morning, one part laughed "We might even do Really Good today." I just find it energizing to know I won't fail. I wanted to send a special Thank You & wish you a joyous Thanksgiving Day. And while I'm thankful to this Sparker in particular, I'm also grateful for this site and for teammates around t...

(Originally published 1 April 20 20 )   From 3/1/20 to 4/1/20: I stay inside most of the time, I’ve been telecommuting for 3 weeks now, so it’s not surprising that my weight’s gone up 3 pounds. As a Spark Friend quoted from her local news: “Manatees eat for an average of 8 hours per day. Coronavirus has turned us all into manatees.” Still, I’m doing pretty well. I’m exercising during my breaks; I’ve made a list of short workouts that will fit into a 15-minute break. And now that we have full coverage in the call center, & coworkers with medical issues don’t need to take as many sick days since they can answer the phone from home, I’m finding time in between calls to do little tasks at home as well as catching up with work activities. So I’m feeling productive, which is very nice. Some days I’ll take a walk outside, just around the neighborhood—but since my area is hilly, it’s not just strolling. I’m mostly relying on YouTube videos to stay active, and have discovered new w...

(Originally published 29 February 2020)  I knew it was coming up, but I actually missed my own 10-year sobriety anniversary! It got eclipsed by official notification of my career position—ending a 14-month temporary assignment (which had been extended 3 months beyond the original 12) & the increasingly anxious 7-month job hunt for a more secure placement. But I know this is a major milestone, and I want to acknowledge it. Getting and staying sober was also the beginning of my journey away from obesity to greater wellness. It’s not that I was completely unhealthy before. I was into personal growth and working on my PTS issues, I ate lots of vegetable, I exercised some and was proud of my flexibility. Even at my heaviest (215 pounds on a 5’3” frame), I could bend at the waist and place my hands flat on the floor. I had tried to get sober with AA back in California, but had several unfortunate experiences that, as an incest survivor, made me feel unsafe in meetings and with sp...

(Originally published 26 February 2020)  After writing this in my journal this morning, I thought, 'Hey, that's sort of profound' and so decided to share it with y'all: "We can't just focus on, or go straight to, what we wish we had done better. It's important to give ourselves credit for our babysteps and positive choices first. We don't have to ignore or cover up poor choices or tasks left undone, but there's no need to beat ourselves up or get bummed out. We'll stay more engaged and encouraged, enthusiastic and energized by acknowledging our progress first." It worked for me. By writing down several things I accomplished the previous day, I felt better and stronger, and eager to make more progress that night after getting home from work. Maybe this will resonate with some of you as well. Blessed Be, Amanda            

(Originally published 24 November 2019)  This is the comment I posted on YouTube after doing one of her videos for the first time: “Ow, ow! I sure felt this one—in a good way. I don't mind squats, and lunges are OK (though I can't bend too far), but this was great! As I shared on my Spark People teams: From beginner on up, you will get a lot out of this one. Only equipment is a chair (optional) for balance. Recommended!” (It was her 16 Minute Standing Low Impact Legs Workout--No Squats or Lunges! from 2 years ago)  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5nJi7HhJJnE&t=7s As I read the other comments, I was struck by how many mentioned physical limitations and how this was the first workout they had found that worked for them. Another comment mentioned how good her prompts are, how easy to understand. I’ve shared with my teams how much I appreciate her many modifications to make things low impact, or what a beginner might need, or how to increase the challenge. I also love h...

(Originally published 27 September 2016)  This was my status update last night: Rats! I had this vision of rearranging some things in the living room to have what I use most often easy to get to--but now it's less accessible due to clutter that got relocated. Discouraging! I've done a lot of parts work over the years, and in my daily journaling, I have a number of pretty distinctive inner parts/voices/selves who sometimes lead different sections of our journaling sessions. One sort of junior, helping part really stepped up and spoke out this morning in relation to the previous evening's upset. Here's what she had to say: “I am woman, hear me roar!  We may have had a setback yesterday, but we are on the move. We haven't arrived yet at how we want our space to look and feel and function, but we're taking steps, we're in motion, so a big hooray for us!! And really, bringing in new energy and making a change is strong and creative . Leaving things as they ...

(Originally published 26 August 2015)  Here is another of my morning rituals, that I perform to put myself in a positive mood. As I mentioned in my last blog, "I devised [them] to help combat the emotional pain and sometime despair that plagued me all too often when I contemplated the poor management, negligence and dissatisfaction I experience at work." I actually started practicing this one first, but now I start with Breathing In the Day, followed by Singing In the Morning. It's rather like a Gratitude Journal, simply writing down positives to focus on from the previous day. I include blessings and acts kindness from others, but what I list most often are things I've done that I'm proud of, and progress I made. Acknowledging my accomplishments and babysteps helps me stay motivated and encouraged, especially when there is a lot of stress and numerous obstacles to deal with. I know many people like to reflect on their day at night, recalling their blessings a...

(Originally published 20 April 2013)  Just a short blog copied from a Spark Mail message to a dear friend I met here on Spark. I offer it to my other friends — those I've met & those I haven't yet, but who may find these words and be touched by them, in that magical way we motivate, guide and inspire each other in this amazing community. Yes, trying to find that elusive balance is perhaps a never-ending process! I sincerely believe it is essential to make a commitment to oneself to spend some regular time doing what is most needed--preparing healthy meals and snacks, exercising, creating an orderly & nurturing environment, or building a strong relationship. We have to matter enough to ourselves & we have to value our well-being enough to overcome habits and negative messages and invest time and effort in ourselves and in cultivating new, life-affirming, empowering habits. I hope you know how much I'm talking to myself here — as much as to you! It's somet...

(Originally published 24 July 2011) I was moved by a blog that one of my teammates wrote about some major life changes and how that has impacted her progress and her program. She talked about the main issue she's struggling with right now, and was very clear that while she had gained a little weight back, she was determined not to give up, and was looking for some support. By the time I read it and added my comments, there were some excellent ideas, and an outpouring of encouragement and acknowledgement of her victories. One Spark Friend spoke about what a gift we had been given, and it is so true. One of the beauties and miracles of this site is that we have an opportunity to speak our truth, toot our horn when we have cause to celebrate, ask for help when we are struggling. When we do that, it is easier to stay on track, and our slips are less devastating. And doesn't it feel good to be able to offer suggestions and lend support? We are often more compassionate with fri...

(Originally published 23 March 2011) A little background first. Two nights ago I read a Spark Friend's blog in which she spoke of not liking her looks, as in active dislike and non-acceptance. I proceeded to type several impassioned paragraphs, starting with how her words made me want to cry. But before I was done and could submit my reply, one of my fingers evidently hit the wrong key, and the entire message disappeared. I was much too tired to try to recreate it at the time, so left some abbreviated comments on her page and called it a night. I am currently transcribing my Motherpeace tarot reading from Ostara, the Spring Equinox. (I've been using this multi-cultural, matriarchal round deck for years, but have not memorized the meaning of each card, so I use Vicki Noble's book to explore the significance of each card in relation to its placement in the spread.) Given that I turned the Shaman of Swords in the Near Future position, about which Vicki writes "Share you...

(Originally published 13 February 2011) This is the comment I wrote in response to a blog by a Spark Friend who has had a lot of stuff from her past coming up recently: "I *so* want to wrap you up in a hug, dear sister. I hadn't realized you are another survivor. And you can take pride in that fact alone, for too many of us don't make it; too many of the victims end up crushed, numbed out, dead, or perpetuating the cycle. We escaped. We are moving beyond the tragedy and trauma of our past. What's more, we are choosing to create a safe and nurturing present and a joyous and abundant future. I've always remembered a workshop discussion from Deborah Ham, one of my favorite presenters. She believes that people who have a nice, solid, uneventful upbringing and youth can lead good, positive, happy lives. She drew a mostly level, softly waved horizontal line across the board. But for those who endure great ugliness, horror and pain — and here she drew deep and jagge...

(Originally published 8 February 2011) This is the status I posted yesterday, and before changing it this morning, I wanted to immortalize this development, which for me is somewhat momentous:  “BLESSEDBEING is experiencing a mental shift: as I look at my expanding Oases of Order, I know I *am* a capable organizer, if still a babystepping one! Aaahh!” It hasn't been that many days ago that I sent out a cry of help to members on my organizing teams because I was so overwhelmed by discouragement and despair over my disorganization, or that I sat here crying after reading the "what I cleaned" reports of teammates who were taming entire rooms and closets, while I wrested a half-square-foot of counter space at a time. It seemed like they were capable and I wasn't, they were succeeding and I wasn't, they were organizers and I wasn't. But in the few days since launching the Babysteps Brigade, not only my actions but my internal experience have changed. Just w...

  (Originally published 7 February 2011) If you're feeling overwhelmed and you can't seem to accomplish much, you might try something I came up with after my mom died, and I was looking at a house full of 30 years worth of packrat accumulation--while grieving this sudden, unexpected loss. I've never been a big one for To Do lists, and at that time it was just too depressing and immobilizing to try to write down everything that had to be done. Even in less extreme situations, no matter how many items have been checked off or crossed out, my attention always seems to focus on what hasn't been done yet. And I have a tendency to beat myself up over what I "failed to do." So all those years ago I created my first DID list. Everything I accomplished—every subscription I cancelled, every phone call I made—was written down on a numbered list. So even though every room bulged with projects waiting to be tackled, I could (and often did) look at my notebook and t...

  (Originally published on Spark People on 22 January 2011) My own experience has proved the truth of the sentiments in my previous blog on support being a gift that blesses. Within a week of writing those words, I hit a low point brought on by largely by pain—increasingly frequent back pain and burns and blisters on my right foot (my favorite, and largest, tea mug split in half just when I poured in the boiling water, which then poured onto my foot, which luckily had a thick sock on it)—which had curtailed my exercise and led to a profound loss of energy and a discouraged, bleak frame of mind. I recognized that I was sinking into a deep hole, and that I would need assistance to get out of it. Thank the Goddess that I was smart enough and strong enough to ask for help! I huddled with all my teams as usual yesterday morning, but instead of a personalized positive message which I normally like to contribute, I admitted that I was struggling and in need of encouragement. I changed...

  (Originally published on Spark People on 16 January 2011)   I am *so* grateful for the connections I'm making through my Spark Teams! I was getting results using the tools—fitness, nutrition & other goals tracking. But the abundance I've received since joining and getting involved in teams is amazing: the delightful goodies, the encouragement, suggestions, and technical tips — they have enriched my emotional life as well as enhanced my motivation and dedication to working my program. I was emailing a new Spark Friend this morning and I made this comment: How could I ever feel alone or unsupported again? Yes, I sometimes feel undervalued and unsupported at work, and lonely as an unattached single woman. But I have just found this awesome circle of new friends around the country who encourage me, who believe in me, who celebrate my successes, who share their insights and wisdom and thank me for mine, who challenge me, who make me laugh, who share my interests, who insp...