Amanda's Musings

Back when I was a member of Spark People, before they closed down their free fitness and social media site, I would blog periodically and those posts could potentially be seen by hundreds or even thousands of Sparkers, though I typically would get just a small handful of responses. I reposted many of the hundred-plus blogs I posted there over 10 years or so on this site, but those have not been seen by more than a few former Spark Friends. My PTSD has been triggered quite a bit over the past months, and my therapist has encouraged me to use my voice to speak about some of the events that have so deeply affected me. The abortion rights debate and the recent mass shootings have elicited especially strong emotions, so I have committed to speaking out. My first substantive blog in almost 10 months, which I will post next, is " Hypocrisy of the 'Pro Birth' Zealots. " 

(Originally published 16 August 2021)  I had to write one last blog. It's bittersweet to be saying good-bye. This site has been a huge part of my life for 11 years, and the very best part of that has been the community of support and encouragement. Checking in daily with the teams I led, the mutual support and celebrating with Spark Friends, sending and receiving goodies—that's what I knew I would miss the most. So soon after we got the news back in June, my GG co-leader and I decided Discord would be the best place to move A Gathering of Goddesses and my beloved Babysteps Brigade. Our new home doesn't have all the bells and whistles SP did, but we post on different threads, check in, and get to play with a large number of emojis and GIFs! If you want to check it out, set up a free account on  discord.com/  and send me a message: Blessed Being#5304, And I am so thankful that SP gave us more than two months' notice before closing down. It gave us a chance to save wh...

(Originally published 25 January 2011)  I read a Spark Friend's list on her blog, and couldn't help wondering how I would answer — though knowing (as usual) that I wouldn't just answer straight out or simply. As is my habit, I'll be revising and tweaking, just like in school when I would propose alternate or modified assignments to make it something that interested me, and generally doing far more than requested, or required. (I so "get" Hermione!) But I will challenge myself to keep to 3 responses per category — which for someone who loves to embellish, and revels in details and abundance, this will be a challenge! Three names I go by: * BLESSEDBEING (here on Spark People) * Amanda (the predominant one since I legally changed my name in my thirties from my given one, which was Lois) * spocksmom (a user name I'm fond of, for reason clear to TOS Trekkers) Three places I've lived in the past (amongst others): * Idaho Falls, Idaho * Oakland, Cali...

(Originally published 31 October 2020)  Funny, I’ve been thinking about Halloween—celebrated in Latin America as part of Días de los Muertos, or Days of the Dead. In pagan tradition too, it is a time for honoring those who have passed. I was thinking to acknowledge my father’s passing in a different way, but was startled to realize it’s been more than a year, which I discovered when I reread my blog Balancing Gifts and Demons which I wrote on 9/10/19: https://blessedbeingsblogpage.blogspot.com/2021/08/balancing-gifts-and-demons.html I misremembered that he passed away in early November last year, because that’s when my sister and I flew down to our ex-stepmom’s to spend a weekend with brother and SIL who came in from Turkey, and to see a number of old family friends who gathered for a party—people I hadn’t seen in decades. It was a lovely visit & I’m glad he brought us together. In journaling this week, I discovered an old belief I picked up from him is still having a nega...

(Originally published 6 May 2020)  The whole time I was commuting up to Seattle, first with the state, then with my much better job with the county, I would journal while waiting for the bus and on my bus ride. So 5 days a week I spent 30-60 minutes to recount accomplishments from the day before, set intentions for the day, & express whatever might be going on for me. But when we began telecommuting in response to the pandemic, I didn’t have that built-in time in my schedule anymore. I switched my alarm from 5 to 6, giving myself more sleep instead. It didn’t seem that important, and there hadn’t been that much emotional content to my journaling, especially since getting my career county position with a good salary. It seemed I was rolling with all the changes due to stay at home order pretty well. The only time I was trying to journal was while waiting in lines at stores, but by going early and planning trips well, I haven’t been waiting all that much. The last Saturday in ...

(Originally published 29 February 2020)  I knew it was coming up, but I actually missed my own 10-year sobriety anniversary! It got eclipsed by official notification of my career position—ending a 14-month temporary assignment (which had been extended 3 months beyond the original 12) & the increasingly anxious 7-month job hunt for a more secure placement. But I know this is a major milestone, and I want to acknowledge it. Getting and staying sober was also the beginning of my journey away from obesity to greater wellness. It’s not that I was completely unhealthy before. I was into personal growth and working on my PTS issues, I ate lots of vegetable, I exercised some and was proud of my flexibility. Even at my heaviest (215 pounds on a 5’3” frame), I could bend at the waist and place my hands flat on the floor. I had tried to get sober with AA back in California, but had several unfortunate experiences that, as an incest survivor, made me feel unsafe in meetings and with sp...

(Originally published 10 September 2019)  My father, who was my abuser, died a week ago. We had only recently learned he had kidney disease and limited time remaining. His ex-wife, a good friend, had power of attorney over his care and is now his executor. She chose palliative care over dialysis in order to make his remaining time more comfortable, but just 3 days after his hospital release, he passed away in his sleep. Knowing he was dying, I had done an internet search and found resources for when your abuser dies, including this excellent and comprehensive one: How to Cope when Your Abuser Passes Away: 14 Steps (with Pictures) (wikihow.com)   My feelings remain ambivalent, as they were before this sudden health crisis and his passing. I was in therapy for several years at 2 times in my life, blessed with excellent therapists, the first trained in EMDR therapy, the second in family systems. We dealt with my PTSD that originated in “severe childhood sexual abuse.” I rare...

(Originally published 2 March 2019)  Today I turn 64 years young. I refuse to think of myself as old. Indeed, I frequently begin affirmations with the phrase "I am young and healthy, I am strong and free," ending with an adverb (ending in ‘-ly’) such as "I choose to live intentionally." (I tend to favor rhyming affirmations.) A birthday, like the start of a new year, is a good time for reflection. I’m just 1 year way from needing to register for Social Security, though I plan on working until age 70 (at least). Speaking of working, the biggest change in the last year was finally getting a new job—leaving state employment for a position with King County. It has been a tremendous relief to no longer constantly worry about money. I’m not spending a lot more, but I don’t have to question every purchase or always choose the cheapest item. It’s been challenging to learn a completely new body of information. My customer service skills serve me well, and Outlook is the ...

(Originally published 1 January 2017)   Hopefully you've figured out on your own, or accepted what they keep telling us here on Spark People, that starting the New Year with a big honking laundry list of resolutions about how you're suddenly going to be perfect is a sure-fire plan to fail. We can all make positive changes in our lives as long as we do it with focus, compassion, creativity, balance, and humor. (You were expecting me to advise you to be realistic, right? That can be helpful — as opposed to the fantasy of "I'm going to change these 10 things all at the same time and I'm going to do everything perfectly right now!" But to me admonitions to "be realistic" can carry a sense of limitation or lack, like if I was just good enough or motivated or something else enough, I could take the accelerated road to success, but because of something lacking in me, I'll have to be satisfied with the watered-down, easier, it'll take me so much l...

(Originally published 18 August 2012)  It all started with reading a great blog by my  Spark Friend  Ronnie back on March 28, One Thing I Know..... There Will Always Be Excuses. She shares her regret at giving up on learning to skateboard with her grandson because she fell so many times her first time trying. I like her observation that beginnings are rarely pretty, and "sometimes you suck at it so move on and you will get better." In my comment I thanked her for the inspiration, and wrote: "The thing I have been wanting to try and thinking about is learning self-defense. I was just thinking about it again this morning, and I'm choosing to take your timely blog as a sign that I am meant to go for it. I will start researching options and report within days." It actually took me longer than that to take action. But I finally Googled 'self-defense' 'women' 'Tukwila' (my city) and got a few local martial arts schools, including one in Sea...

(Originally published 10 December 2011)  I had been on the lookout for the right connection to a new kitty, since losing my longtime companion Kenny. Purrfect Pals is a no-kill rescue organization here in Washington, and they have adoption centers in some of the pet stores, including the local one in Tukwila, where I had taken Kenny to the attached pet hospital. After a couple of trips resulted in zero attraction (with Kenny, it had been love at first sight, and my first time as a kitty mommy), I discovered there was a center in Bellevue, close to the Group Health medical center where I occasionally have to visit for procedures that my closer and smaller GH facility doesn't offer. I made a connection through the glass with a female cat named Cabico. I went back the next Saturday when an adoption counselor was available, only to find that Cabico and a few older cats were at a special senior adoption event some distance away. Rats. The next time I had to go to the Bellevue GH, I ...

  [This appeared on my Spark Page; I've updated with a few new favorites] Daughter of the Goddess, Child of God I want to learn to treat myself better: to nourish and cherish my body, which is a holy vessel; to manifest beauty, grace and abundance; to welcome the gifts and guidance of the Goddess. [I wrote that when I first joined, long before I made noticeable progress or got involved with teams and Sharing the Spark. Yet it is still completely true. I wish to share more about the things which influence and inspire me, such as some of my favorite books, movies, songs, affirmations, writers, tools. So here goes, and I will continue to update the list.] Affirmations: Louise Hay is my girl, and the illustrated gift edition (ISBN 1-56170-628-0) of You Can Heal Your Life is my primary reference work. Calendars: Advice from Nature by YourTrueNature.com & Live Love Laugh: Happy Thoughts for Happy Hearts Books: * Fiction--The Harry Potter series by JK Rowling. Prisoner of Azkaban was ...