Amanda's Musings

(Originally published 16 August 2021)  I had to write one last blog. It's bittersweet to be saying good-bye. This site has been a huge part of my life for 11 years, and the very best part of that has been the community of support and encouragement. Checking in daily with the teams I led, the mutual support and celebrating with Spark Friends, sending and receiving goodies—that's what I knew I would miss the most. So soon after we got the news back in June, my GG co-leader and I decided Discord would be the best place to move A Gathering of Goddesses and my beloved Babysteps Brigade. Our new home doesn't have all the bells and whistles SP did, but we post on different threads, check in, and get to play with a large number of emojis and GIFs! If you want to check it out, set up a free account on  discord.com/  and send me a message: Blessed Being#5304, And I am so thankful that SP gave us more than two months' notice before closing down. It gave us a chance to save wh...

(Originally published 17 August 2020 )   I just figured out on last Thursday that I’m suffering from burnout. After 5 months of telecommuting, I had to go into the office to swap out laptops, and was able to read flyers for the few remaining employees in the building. Some of these had tips for self-care, including one on Burnout. After reading the symptoms, I realized I fit many of the descriptors. I’ve emailed the 2 supervisors responsible for my work group, who have both been given other duties, and so have not been checking in with us regularly. It doesn’t help that I’ve had all sorts of tech issues that have required hours of IT consultation and fixes on the new computer, including a crash this morning. Or that we’ve had people out. One is on temporary assignment elsewhere, and 3 called out today, leaving only 4 of us. It was so stressful, I was on the verge of tears several times this afternoon. So when the day finally ended, I wondered “What can I do to feel better when I’...

(Originally published 6 May 2020)  The whole time I was commuting up to Seattle, first with the state, then with my much better job with the county, I would journal while waiting for the bus and on my bus ride. So 5 days a week I spent 30-60 minutes to recount accomplishments from the day before, set intentions for the day, & express whatever might be going on for me. But when we began telecommuting in response to the pandemic, I didn’t have that built-in time in my schedule anymore. I switched my alarm from 5 to 6, giving myself more sleep instead. It didn’t seem that important, and there hadn’t been that much emotional content to my journaling, especially since getting my career county position with a good salary. It seemed I was rolling with all the changes due to stay at home order pretty well. The only time I was trying to journal was while waiting in lines at stores, but by going early and planning trips well, I haven’t been waiting all that much. The last Saturday in ...

(Originally published 27 March 20 20 )   It's a challenging time when so much is happening and disrupting our lives that is out of our control. It's easy to get caught up in fear and frustration over everything we can't do. Just like with losing weight or organizing, focusing on what we want and on the choices we can make is more motivating than always paying attention to the things we don't like or can't have or do. I may not be able to go to all the places I used to go, but I can go for a walk in the fresh air and wave at people I pass. My favorite restaurants may not be open, but I can plan healthy meals and try new recipes. I may not be able to go to the gym (or the Activity Room at my job, since we are telecommuting now), but I've been finding lots of new free exercise videos, including plenty I can do during my 15-minute breaks from my call center job. Even though I can't visit friends or my sister, I can reach out by phone, email, a card, or a...

(Originally published 29 February 2020)  I knew it was coming up, but I actually missed my own 10-year sobriety anniversary! It got eclipsed by official notification of my career position—ending a 14-month temporary assignment (which had been extended 3 months beyond the original 12) & the increasingly anxious 7-month job hunt for a more secure placement. But I know this is a major milestone, and I want to acknowledge it. Getting and staying sober was also the beginning of my journey away from obesity to greater wellness. It’s not that I was completely unhealthy before. I was into personal growth and working on my PTS issues, I ate lots of vegetable, I exercised some and was proud of my flexibility. Even at my heaviest (215 pounds on a 5’3” frame), I could bend at the waist and place my hands flat on the floor. I had tried to get sober with AA back in California, but had several unfortunate experiences that, as an incest survivor, made me feel unsafe in meetings and with sp...

(Originally published 20 April 2013)  Just a short blog copied from a Spark Mail message to a dear friend I met here on Spark. I offer it to my other friends — those I've met & those I haven't yet, but who may find these words and be touched by them, in that magical way we motivate, guide and inspire each other in this amazing community. Yes, trying to find that elusive balance is perhaps a never-ending process! I sincerely believe it is essential to make a commitment to oneself to spend some regular time doing what is most needed--preparing healthy meals and snacks, exercising, creating an orderly & nurturing environment, or building a strong relationship. We have to matter enough to ourselves & we have to value our well-being enough to overcome habits and negative messages and invest time and effort in ourselves and in cultivating new, life-affirming, empowering habits. I hope you know how much I'm talking to myself here — as much as to you! It's somet...

(Originally published 29 December 2012)  Inspired by a Spark Friend who posted such a blog, I would like to mention 3 major positive influences which have supported my growth this year: Spark People, Seven Star Women's Kung Fu, and the Chopra Center. I've been actively Sparking for more than 2 years, but this year has been more consistent (517 straight days of logging in — WooHoo!) and I've hit 2 major milestones this year. When I began this journey weighing in at 215 (well into the obese range as a short woman), 150 seemed a very far off dream. I reached that just before mid-year, and I finally broke into a healthy BMI at the end of the year here. I love the tools and resources and diversity on this site! The wonderful teams I co-lead, my beloved Babysteps Brigade, Survivors of Abuse and A Gathering of Goddesses, have played a large part in my success. Checking in daily, sharing questions, ideas, struggles, progress, inspiration — all this has kept me on track and moti...

(Originally published 24 July 2011) I was moved by a blog that one of my teammates wrote about some major life changes and how that has impacted her progress and her program. She talked about the main issue she's struggling with right now, and was very clear that while she had gained a little weight back, she was determined not to give up, and was looking for some support. By the time I read it and added my comments, there were some excellent ideas, and an outpouring of encouragement and acknowledgement of her victories. One Spark Friend spoke about what a gift we had been given, and it is so true. One of the beauties and miracles of this site is that we have an opportunity to speak our truth, toot our horn when we have cause to celebrate, ask for help when we are struggling. When we do that, it is easier to stay on track, and our slips are less devastating. And doesn't it feel good to be able to offer suggestions and lend support? We are often more compassionate with fri...

(Originally published 13 February 2011) This is the comment I wrote in response to a blog by a Spark Friend who has had a lot of stuff from her past coming up recently: "I *so* want to wrap you up in a hug, dear sister. I hadn't realized you are another survivor. And you can take pride in that fact alone, for too many of us don't make it; too many of the victims end up crushed, numbed out, dead, or perpetuating the cycle. We escaped. We are moving beyond the tragedy and trauma of our past. What's more, we are choosing to create a safe and nurturing present and a joyous and abundant future. I've always remembered a workshop discussion from Deborah Ham, one of my favorite presenters. She believes that people who have a nice, solid, uneventful upbringing and youth can lead good, positive, happy lives. She drew a mostly level, softly waved horizontal line across the board. But for those who endure great ugliness, horror and pain — and here she drew deep and jagge...

  (Originally published on Spark People on 22 January 2011) My own experience has proved the truth of the sentiments in my previous blog on support being a gift that blesses. Within a week of writing those words, I hit a low point brought on by largely by pain—increasingly frequent back pain and burns and blisters on my right foot (my favorite, and largest, tea mug split in half just when I poured in the boiling water, which then poured onto my foot, which luckily had a thick sock on it)—which had curtailed my exercise and led to a profound loss of energy and a discouraged, bleak frame of mind. I recognized that I was sinking into a deep hole, and that I would need assistance to get out of it. Thank the Goddess that I was smart enough and strong enough to ask for help! I huddled with all my teams as usual yesterday morning, but instead of a personalized positive message which I normally like to contribute, I admitted that I was struggling and in need of encouragement. I changed...

  (Originally published on Spark People on 16 January 2011)   I am *so* grateful for the connections I'm making through my Spark Teams! I was getting results using the tools—fitness, nutrition & other goals tracking. But the abundance I've received since joining and getting involved in teams is amazing: the delightful goodies, the encouragement, suggestions, and technical tips — they have enriched my emotional life as well as enhanced my motivation and dedication to working my program. I was emailing a new Spark Friend this morning and I made this comment: How could I ever feel alone or unsupported again? Yes, I sometimes feel undervalued and unsupported at work, and lonely as an unattached single woman. But I have just found this awesome circle of new friends around the country who encourage me, who believe in me, who celebrate my successes, who share their insights and wisdom and thank me for mine, who challenge me, who make me laugh, who share my interests, who insp...