Amanda's Musings

I am absolutely appalled at the anti-abortion laws being written that refuse to make exceptions in the case of rape or incest. The monsters who write and support such legislation make it clear that they care nothing about the trauma these victims have already endured. In fact they intend to heap on extra burdens, no matter how horribly these poor women and girls may suffer physically and mentally, or how dangerously that would impact their ability to raise or nurture a baby conceived in violence and horror. It is callous and cruel to mandate that trauma victims carry a fetus sired by their attacker to term. The physical, emotional, and financial toll of an unplanned and unwanted pregnancy should not be forced on anyone, especially when it is a constant reminder of an excruciatingly painful experience. And I have not heard that these heinous laws include funding for pregnant women to receive the prenatal care that might help them deliver “adoptable” babies. And what of the babies who ar...

(Originally published 14 January 2021 )   [In sorting through old papers, I found a copy of a letter I wrote in 2001 to my aunts and cousins. I don’t know if any of them took action based on my urging. (My relatives are fundamentalist Christians, which is why I use more religious language than usual.) When I read the letter to my new therapist last week, we both teared up and she applauded my bravery in sharing it. I realized too many other families have similar histories, so am choosing to share it here, in hopes that it may encourage others to seek help for themselves or people they care about.] I have considered writing such a letter for more than a year. Having very recently obtained information supporting my earlier suspicions, I know it is my responsibility to speak to you and to help break the cycle of silence—and violence—which has plagued our family for generations. I am an incest survivor. My mother admitted to me once that she had been fondled by her father. I know ...

(Originally published 19 April 2012)  I had an epiphany of sorts in the shower this morning, which is where they often seem to come to me, and I hope I can recall those thoughts that flowed through my consciousness some eleven hours ago. I think I had been repeating some of the affirmations I've developed to encourage a shift in my attitudes around organizing and decluttering: "I easily let go of what I no longer need; I joyfully release all that does not serve me." (I like that this can apply to excess weight, limiting beliefs, judgements, toxic relationships, not just clutter.) "I easily choose a good place for what I own; I enjoy putting things in a good home." I was contemplating the decisions that have to be made — do I keep it? where should it go? how often does it get used? where do I use it? is it easy to access? should it be stored? where? in what? — in decluttering, and how overwhelming answering all those questions can be. In trying to reframe h...

(Originally published 26 May 2012)  When I mention suffering from Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder, I’m sometimes asked if I’m a veteran. (Maybe they are wondering if I’m old enough to have been a nurse in Nam.) In most people’s minds, PTSD is linked to combat. But there are other traumas, other horrors, that afflict large numbers—particularly women. Victims of abuse and violence—whether a single random act in the near past, or chronic abuse from long ago—carry emotional scars and can be triggered by situations just as easily as the combat vet who dives for cover when a car backfires. Last year, on Memorial Day, I posted a blog, My Memorial Day Dedication, which opened with this paragraph: "'Honor all who didn't survive, and choose to thrive' was my huddle today on all my teams. While some team members mentioned the holiday, and spoke in support of veterans and remembering those who serve, I am choosing to memorialize another group of the fallen: the victims of abuse w...

(Originally published 19 January 2012 )   The idea for this particular blog (part of my Conquer Clutter Campaign series) came today when I was replying to a Spark Friend's email about some travel plans: "I'm envious that you are able to travel, and not work full-time. I'm not very financially savvy, and have no idea when I'll ever be able to retire! I considered a dual focus this year of organizing and finances, but the former is the greater need for now, and the most challenging. I think it may really bring me face-to-face with some of my demons, and will stand as a clear metaphor for letting go of the past and creating the life I want to live. Wow, there's so totally a blog there, waiting to be written!" I've recognized before that clutter, like excess fat, is something that weighs me down and saps my energy. Though I've realized, too, it bothers me a lot more. Over a year ago (1/26/11) in my first 3C blog, I wrote: "I'm more ashamed...

(Originally published 30 May 2011)  "Honor all who didn't survive, and choose to thrive" was my huddle today on all my teams. While some team members mentioned the holiday, and spoke in support of veterans and remembering those who serve, I am choosing to memorialize another group of the fallen: the victims of abuse who didn't become survivors. I recently joined a Spark team for survivors of abuse. I've done intensive therapy and a lot of inner work on my own incest issues over the years. But Post Traumatic Stress can still affect me, interrupting my progress and threatening the gains I've made in my journey toward well-being, health, and wholeness. In a discussion on the survivor team, I mentioned being in a small class, in which 3 of the 4 of us had been sexually abused. One of the team leaders responded that wasn't surprising, given the large numbers of victims of sexual abuse & assault, especially in childhood. Is it any wonder so many women stru...