Amanda's Musings

(Originally published 27 February 2021)  That's the bold subtitle of Tracy McCubbin's 2019 organizing book Making Space, Clutter Free . Big thanks to my sister for finding and sharing it. I just picked it up from the library this morning, and loved what she has to say in the introductory chapter "What's Under the Clutter? A New Approach." She says she wants to liberate us from the shame and emotional weight of our clutter. "I want your home to be a place that you enjoy being in, that helps you quickly and efficiently get out into the world, and that you can share with others as often as you feel like. If your home isn't all three things — restful, helpful, and shareable — then on some level, your home is taking energy from you instead of supporting you to live your best life." Wow, if page 5 is that profound, I can't wait to dive in to better understanding the 7 emotional clutter blocks she identifies, and how to address them. She breaks her ...

(Originally published 21 February 2021)   I have struggled with clutter and organization for decades. I know there is a strong link to the childhood abuse, where I had no control over my environment. I'm learning how trauma affects brain function, which can make the process especially challenging. This is currently a primary focus of my work with a wonderful new therapist, and this document grew out of our discussions. I do a lot of internal parts work, so "we" refers to my parts collectively. Bossy happens to be one of my strongly opinionated parts. I created this document and read it before each sorting session. Pre-sorting Pep Talk Bossy’s plea (paraphrased from 2/11/21 journal entry): We’ll never create the space and environment we want and deserve if we don’t put in consistent effort. We don’t have to be perfect and we don’t have to push ourselves, but it won’t ever get done if WE don’t do it ! Please. I want this for all of us. We deserve space to breathe an...

(Originally published 1 January 2017)   Hopefully you've figured out on your own, or accepted what they keep telling us here on Spark People, that starting the New Year with a big honking laundry list of resolutions about how you're suddenly going to be perfect is a sure-fire plan to fail. We can all make positive changes in our lives as long as we do it with focus, compassion, creativity, balance, and humor. (You were expecting me to advise you to be realistic, right? That can be helpful — as opposed to the fantasy of "I'm going to change these 10 things all at the same time and I'm going to do everything perfectly right now!" But to me admonitions to "be realistic" can carry a sense of limitation or lack, like if I was just good enough or motivated or something else enough, I could take the accelerated road to success, but because of something lacking in me, I'll have to be satisfied with the watered-down, easier, it'll take me so much l...

(Originally published 24 February 2013)  4 weeks ago, when I wrote the blog "A new challenge and refined focus," I ended with the pledge to relaunch my Conquer Clutter Campaign. That was the alliterative title I came up with a couple years ago, I think, around the time I founded the Babysteps Brigade. Babysteps (the approach and the small, enthusiastic team) have served me well on my weight loss journey: 75 pounds lost over more than 2 years, gradually and relatively easily, by making small incremental changes in diet, exercise, thinking, routines. But I realized the time had come to do more than spend the occasional 5 minutes here & 10 minutes there if I were ever to win myself free of the lifetime of clutter and disorganization that has weighed me down and kept me stuck, just as surely as those 75 excess pounds ever did. And so I made the sacrifice of suspending my beloved kung fu training in order to devote solid blocks of time to this new endeavor. Within days of ...

(Originally published 29 October 2012 as  What we do to ourselves )   I was taking a break and journaling after a stint of decluttering and organizing work. As soon as I wrote it, this sentence jumped off the page at me: "I was feeling frantic and not far from tears earlier, thinking 'I can't do this anymore!' and then wondering why and how I keep doing this to myself." The first "do this" (as in I can't anymore) was the sorting, the deciding is it trash? do I keep it? where should it go? Occasionally the answer is obvious and the choice easy to make. But more often, I'm not sure; a whole host of questions and considerations and options come up, and I don't know what's the best thing to do, and I often end up putting it in an undecided category and postponing the determination. The second "do this" (as in why do I keep doing this to myself?) was my wail of despair not unlike the blogs I sometimes read by Sparkers disgusted a...

(Originally published 1 May 2012)  When I think and talk about organizing, I often focus on what I don't want — to lose or forget things, what I want to get rid of — the clutter, the junk, the messiness, & how I don't want to feel — ashamed, sloppy, hopeless, frustrated. Positive language is recommended for affirmations, and I have created a pair of statements around this issue: "I choose how I will live — I choose to live in beauty and order; I choose how I will live — I choose to live in comfort and ease." I had an insight this morning while shuffling my Mother Peace tarot cards for a reading, and formulating the question I for which I was seeking guidance: I passionately desire to create a beautiful, intentional and supportive environment. Words have power, and for me, this phrase summarizes essential qualities that were missing from my family home, and for which I yearn. Just as I am more motivated to *increase* strength, flexibility, fitness, health, an...

(Originally published 2 February 2012)  The Babysteps Brigade is one year old today! My sweet little team, dedicated to slow, steady progress has been thriving in our little corner of the Sparkverse. We may be small (just under 50), but we have a core of active & supportive members who like to share their successes and cheer each other on. I have babystepped my way to a weight loss of more than 55 pounds over the last 16 or 17 months. I'm less than 10 pounds from my initial goal of 150!  When I reach that goal, I will set my sights on another 10 pounds to reach a healthy BMI. The weight's coming down pretty slowly now, since I'm sort of in a maintenance mode, but I am confident I will reach these goals — and stay there lifelong. You see, that's the cool thing about babysteps and the gradual approach. My exercise and eating are far from "perfect," but who cares? I like what I'm doing, and have no desire to stop when I hit 140. I will definitely be t...

(Originally published 19 January 2012 )   The idea for this particular blog (part of my Conquer Clutter Campaign series) came today when I was replying to a Spark Friend's email about some travel plans: "I'm envious that you are able to travel, and not work full-time. I'm not very financially savvy, and have no idea when I'll ever be able to retire! I considered a dual focus this year of organizing and finances, but the former is the greater need for now, and the most challenging. I think it may really bring me face-to-face with some of my demons, and will stand as a clear metaphor for letting go of the past and creating the life I want to live. Wow, there's so totally a blog there, waiting to be written!" I've recognized before that clutter, like excess fat, is something that weighs me down and saps my energy. Though I've realized, too, it bothers me a lot more. Over a year ago (1/26/11) in my first 3C blog, I wrote: "I'm more ashamed...

(Originally published 16 January 2012)  When I went back to see when I last posted a CCC blog, I discovered my first ever blog here on SP was 1/12/11, so I've been blogging just over a year. I had 3 officially named 3C blogs, the last one written a few days after I launched the Babysteps Brigade team on February 2nd of last year. Organizing took a bit of a back seat this past year. I became a co-leader on 2 other teams, A Gathering of Goddesses and Survivors of Abuse. And I experienced true success on my fitness and weight loss journey. I've lost more than 55 pounds now, and am less than 10 from my original goal. I left the obese BMI range behind and dropped 3 pants sizes. I've already lost more than a quarter of my original body weight. Once I get to my goal of 150, I can lose another 10 and reach the healthy BMI range for my height--and a total loss of 75 pounds at that point will represent more than a third of my body weight gone for good. The change has been slow and ...

(Originally published 1 January 2012)  [This was inspired by " one of my favorite ever blogs" by another Spark member, entitled  Looking back on 2011, but only for a minute, & the Year of Me — which sadly I can no longer find]   I totally relate to yearning for purpose and passion. I found my path this last year thanks to the amazing Sparkverse, and my awesome Spark Friends. Since the fall of 2010, I've lost 55 pounds — one quarter of my original body weight! I will continue to practice the fitness habits that have brought me this far, and I will eventually reach a healthy (according to BMI standards) weight. I've chosen a new life area to focus my attention on in the coming year — organizing my home and life. I'm going to concentrate on my Conquer Clutter Campaign, which I haven't blogged about since launching the Babysteps Brigade team. In order to win the war against ingrained packrat habits, I need to strive for a desired end, and not just focus on w...

(Originally published 20 March 2011) Here it is, the sacred sabbat, the Spring Equinox, the cross-quarter festival of Ostara, among other names, and a full moon besides. I feel I should be spiritual and profound, and all I can think of is Spring Cleaning. In this season of new beginnings and new growth, of budding and flowering, perhaps the clearing out of the old, and creating space where fresh air and gentle breezes can blow, and energy can flow unimpeded, is in fact an appropriate metaphor to guide me. As part of my ongoing Campaign to Conquer Clutter, to create and maintain various Oases of Order, I'm thinking of adding the following practice. In addition to the other challenge tasks I've set myself (as team goals of the Babysteps Brigade), on a daily basis I will attempt to do one thing in each room to improve the appearance, organization, cleanliness or functionality of that space. I'll see how that works for me, and intend to report on how the practice has g...

(Originally published 8 February 2011) This is the status I posted yesterday, and before changing it this morning, I wanted to immortalize this development, which for me is somewhat momentous:  “BLESSEDBEING is experiencing a mental shift: as I look at my expanding Oases of Order, I know I *am* a capable organizer, if still a babystepping one! Aaahh!” It hasn't been that many days ago that I sent out a cry of help to members on my organizing teams because I was so overwhelmed by discouragement and despair over my disorganization, or that I sat here crying after reading the "what I cleaned" reports of teammates who were taming entire rooms and closets, while I wrested a half-square-foot of counter space at a time. It seemed like they were capable and I wasn't, they were succeeding and I wasn't, they were organizers and I wasn't. But in the few days since launching the Babysteps Brigade, not only my actions but my internal experience have changed. Just w...

  (Originally published 7 February 2011) If you're feeling overwhelmed and you can't seem to accomplish much, you might try something I came up with after my mom died, and I was looking at a house full of 30 years worth of packrat accumulation--while grieving this sudden, unexpected loss. I've never been a big one for To Do lists, and at that time it was just too depressing and immobilizing to try to write down everything that had to be done. Even in less extreme situations, no matter how many items have been checked off or crossed out, my attention always seems to focus on what hasn't been done yet. And I have a tendency to beat myself up over what I "failed to do." So all those years ago I created my first DID list. Everything I accomplished—every subscription I cancelled, every phone call I made—was written down on a numbered list. So even though every room bulged with projects waiting to be tackled, I could (and often did) look at my notebook and t...

(Originally published 26 January 2011) I'm more ashamed of how I live than how I look; more ashamed of my home than my body; more ashamed of my clutter than my fat. I've been seriously Sparking for 3 months, and I'm right at the point of hitting 20 pounds lost. I finally dropped below 200 for the first time in a number of years right around the holidays. When it comes to my weight and my fitness, I know I'm doing the right things, and I feel better. The numbers are very slowly but steadily going down (my weight) and up (weight resistance at the gym), so I know I'm making progress. I'm not in a rush to reach my goal weight, but I do believe I'll get there. When it comes to this whole other aspect of my life that's weighing me down—the disorganization and clutter—I'm not so confident I'll get there. I've had periods in the past where I was making progress sorting and eliminating some of the excess, clearing some spaces so that they were r...