The Conquer Clutter Campaign—Part 1

(Originally published 26 January 2011)

I'm more ashamed of how I live than how I look; more ashamed of my home than my body; more ashamed of my clutter than my fat. I've been seriously Sparking for 3 months, and I'm right at the point of hitting 20 pounds lost. I finally dropped below 200 for the first time in a number of years right around the holidays.

When it comes to my weight and my fitness, I know I'm doing the right things, and I feel better. The numbers are very slowly but steadily going down (my weight) and up (weight resistance at the gym), so I know I'm making progress. I'm not in a rush to reach my goal weight, but I do believe I'll get there.

When it comes to this whole other aspect of my life that's weighing me down—the disorganization and clutter—I'm not so confident I'll get there. I've had periods in the past where I was making progress sorting and eliminating some of the excess, clearing some spaces so that they were relatively livable--but I haven't been able to maintain. The clutter creeps back.

I just realized: I'm a yo-yo declutterer! I've never gone for fad diets, and my weight doesn't bounce up and down. (I put it on slowly but surely, and that's how it's coming off!) But I collect organizing books the way some people collect diet books (probably with the same fervent hope, "maybe THIS one will fix me!"), and I'll do some of the steps for a little while, get enthused, see a few positive changes . . . but the effort fizzles out, and I don't stay with it for the long haul.

I do not know why this issue is the most problematic for me. Oh, I have some ideas, which I may explore in future entries, but I find it rather astonishing that the clarity and competence I experience in other areas of my life seem so sorely lacking in this area.

Still, I've determined that the time is now. I'm simply not willing to continue to live like this. I deserve, and deeply desire, to live in a comfortable, inviting, well-ordered, efficient, lovely environment, where I feel relaxed, supported, nurtured and proud. I've been healing other aspects of my life: I'm sober (just over 1 year), I'm meditating, I'm back in therapy, I'm exercising, I'm using affirmations regularly, I'm making new friends and not feeling as isolated. I refuse to allow my lack of skills or previous long-term success to continue to limit me or contaminate my internal experience.

So, I'm feeling determined and motivated. Now comes the planning and the work. I've taken a few baby steps already, which I will share in the next entry. I'm actually considering beginning a new team—the Babysteps Brigade—if there are others who would like to embark on a similar Conquer Clutter Campaign. (Yes, I do enjoy my alliteration!) But given that I haven't been active in teams for a full 3 weeks yet, I'm not sure I'm ready to take on the responsibility while also striving to build the new habits that will carry me forward on the campaign. The next entry should focus on some of the things that are working so far for me, and the joy of creating "oases of order."

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