Amanda's Musings

(Originally published 1 December 2020 )  I am *really* embracing the concept and goal of doing OK, as opposed to trying (and failing) to do “my best” (because with my brain, I can always imagine a way to improve or do better). Recently I had wanted to go for a walk, but saw it was getting later than I had wanted to start, with the prettiest light fading. But I reminded myself it could be an OK walk—it didn’t have to be a great one. And it turned out so much better than I had hoped for: I got to watch a full moon rising and see some lovely early Christmas lights—delightful sights that filled my heart. That encouraged me to reach out to my sister to sound out the notion of settling for “OK holidays.” We often spend Christmas or New Year’s together, and have certain traditions we enjoy, but can be stressful to try and make happen. With this year in particular it’s hard to say what will be happening in the next weeks. Per the governor’s request and example, we spent Thanksgiving in o...

(Originally published 26 November 2020)  I loved a comment I received on my previous blog 'Does it have to be my "best"?' I just sent her a goodie with this message, that I thought might be helpful for anyone else who is exhausted by chasing perfection or struggles with disappointment when they don't manage to do their "best": Your phrase "Let's do okay" has made it into my morning journaling more than once! I've taken to adding 'today' at the end: "Let's do okay today!" My inner parts can get really excited, because we know we can achieve that, rather than the elusive "best." This morning, one part laughed "We might even do Really Good today." I just find it energizing to know I won't fail. I wanted to send a special Thank You & wish you a joyous Thanksgiving Day. And while I'm thankful to this Sparker in particular, I'm also grateful for this site and for teammates around t...

(Originally published 1 November 2020)  I’ve been putting pressure on myself and feeling guilty for not getting more done or making more progress. When I journaled about the feelings, I discovered there was both guilt and shame around not doing enough or doing a better job at the things I say I want to accomplish. When I asked myself where those ideas or judgements came from, I realized I’m still being haunted by something I heard over 50 years ago! My father recounted a parent teacher conference in which he told the teacher that they (my parents) weren’t concerned about their children always getting top grades (though we pretty much did), that they “only” wanted us to do our best. Now here’s the thing: I’m dynamite at process improvement (a selling point I stressed in all those job resumes and letters of interest), because I’m always looking for ways to make something better, more cost efficient, more accurate, easier to use. So no matter what I do, I can always think of ways ...

(Originally published 27 March 20 20 )   It's a challenging time when so much is happening and disrupting our lives that is out of our control. It's easy to get caught up in fear and frustration over everything we can't do. Just like with losing weight or organizing, focusing on what we want and on the choices we can make is more motivating than always paying attention to the things we don't like or can't have or do. I may not be able to go to all the places I used to go, but I can go for a walk in the fresh air and wave at people I pass. My favorite restaurants may not be open, but I can plan healthy meals and try new recipes. I may not be able to go to the gym (or the Activity Room at my job, since we are telecommuting now), but I've been finding lots of new free exercise videos, including plenty I can do during my 15-minute breaks from my call center job. Even though I can't visit friends or my sister, I can reach out by phone, email, a card, or a...

(Originally published 26 February 2020)  After writing this in my journal this morning, I thought, 'Hey, that's sort of profound' and so decided to share it with y'all: "We can't just focus on, or go straight to, what we wish we had done better. It's important to give ourselves credit for our babysteps and positive choices first. We don't have to ignore or cover up poor choices or tasks left undone, but there's no need to beat ourselves up or get bummed out. We'll stay more engaged and encouraged, enthusiastic and energized by acknowledging our progress first." It worked for me. By writing down several things I accomplished the previous day, I felt better and stronger, and eager to make more progress that night after getting home from work. Maybe this will resonate with some of you as well. Blessed Be, Amanda            

(Originally published 21 July 2019)   I'm struggling with frustration and aggravation over not accomplishing more. As I've dealt with new job applications (my wonderful county job is a temporary position), medical appointments, a dental emergency, and tardy car registration, my decluttering efforts have completely stalled. In fact just basic housework is hard to keep up with. I refuse to deny my feelings: yes, the messiness does get to me, and I long to make changes to my environment — and maintain the gains, instead of this constant yoyo decluttering. But I catch myself when I start using judgemental language, even in my own head. In a recent journaling session when the thought "what is wrong with me?" arose, one of my parts quickly inserted "Let's keep this a no shame zone!" What a wonderful concept — which brought immediate emotional relief. I like that idea of proclaiming my mind a No Shame Zone. Same goes for my home. I may want to make changes...

(Originally published 4 August 2018)  Just over 3 years ago, I shared a blog Breathing in the Day. I still haven't gotten a promotion or found a new job despite consistent seeking and submitting applications; I'm waiting to hear whether I'll be invited to a second interview on government application #80. But I'm in a good place emotionally. I'm not seeing a therapist anymore because I'm pretty happy the majority of the time. And though I don't struggle emotionally the way I used to, and I handle stresses at work much more successfully, I still practice my morning journaling — including Breathing in the Day. It helps me set intentions for what I want to experience and manifest. And while in the early days I changed up what I wrote, and paired different words and varied the number of pairs, I've settled on a pattern that I really like of 18 pairs. I like them, and they are easy for me to remember, but they are no better than what someone might choose for...

(Originally published 6 November 2016)  Some of you know I have a very unsatisfactory state job, which I've been trying to leave for several years — 51 state, county, college, and city job applications submitted and counting. We're overworked and underpaid, and plagued with poor management. It's not all bad, but there's sadly a great deal of negativity to deal with. So what's a body to do? I can't pretend that everything's fine. I may use affirmations, and do my best to focus on the positive, but I won't lie to myself about what's true. So when the annual statewide survey went online, I told them truthfully just how bad the working environment and organizational culture are. And when they asked for my opinion in essay  format,  rather than multiple choice — oh, yeah! I totally let them have it. Unfortunately, when forced to look hard at all the things that are wrong, and to articulate the issues (which is one of my strengths), it tends to leave me ...

(Originally published 20 February 2016)  "Maybe you can't rewrite history, but it's not too late to change the future if you set your mind to it." I shared this quote from a magical mystery, Ghost of a Potion by Heather Blake, in my status this morning. I find this profoundly wise. Whether we are regretting a poor choice (in eating, spending, not putting things away) or recalling a major trauma we've experienced, we cannot change what has already occurred. We can, however, change our internal dialog, and the choices we make next. (That's how I interpret "changing the future by setting your mind to it.") I find I'm much happier when I choose not to grind on misfortune, mistreatment by another, or mistakes I've made. It can be helpful to recognize how certain experiences have shaped our thinking and reactions, or to see our patterns and the consequences of our choices. But focusing on negative results isn't very motivating or empowering...

(Originally published 1 August 2015) This is one of my morning rituals, that I perform to put myself in a positive mood. I devised it to help combat the emotional pain and sometime despair that plagued me all too often when I contemplated the poor management, negligence, and dissatisfaction I experience at work. After more than a year and a half of active looking, I still have not secured the right position, but I rarely feel demoralized and hopeless these days, and this has been one of the tools to help me. After brewing my morning coffee, I get out my journal, and using different colors on alternating lines (this isn't essential, I just like the visual impact), I write the words "Breathe in ____. Breathe in _____." Sometimes I will pair alliterative attributes such as Strength and Success, Flexibility and Focus, Purpose and Passion. Other times I will pair a longer word and a shorter one so as to fit them on a single line, so that "Breathe in" appears at the...

(Originally published 3 December 2013)  According to Marshall Rosenberg, author of Nonviolent Communication, it has "enormous power to create shame and guilt" yet is so ingrained and commonly used, many of us can't imagine living without it. It is the word "should." It is strongly judgmental, and suggests the person not doing what they "should" is somehow morally defective or bad — or lazy or stupid, or somehow branded by one or more negative characteristics. It also implies a lack of choice which leads to resistance, for humans crave freedom and choice, and abhor tyranny "even when it's internal tyranny in the form of a "should." Though most of the book focuses on skills and attitudes that assist you in communicating more harmoniously and effectively with others, I was most struck by Chapter 9: Connecting Compassionately with Ourselves. I especially liked the point he makes on p. 132: "Our challenge then, when we are doing ...

(Originally published 24 February 2013)  4 weeks ago, when I wrote the blog "A new challenge and refined focus," I ended with the pledge to relaunch my Conquer Clutter Campaign. That was the alliterative title I came up with a couple years ago, I think, around the time I founded the Babysteps Brigade. Babysteps (the approach and the small, enthusiastic team) have served me well on my weight loss journey: 75 pounds lost over more than 2 years, gradually and relatively easily, by making small incremental changes in diet, exercise, thinking, routines. But I realized the time had come to do more than spend the occasional 5 minutes here & 10 minutes there if I were ever to win myself free of the lifetime of clutter and disorganization that has weighed me down and kept me stuck, just as surely as those 75 excess pounds ever did. And so I made the sacrifice of suspending my beloved kung fu training in order to devote solid blocks of time to this new endeavor. Within days of ...

(Originally published 23 November 2012 ) The current 21-Day Meditation Challenge from the Chopra Center (on Creating Abundance) has been wonderful. My favorite so far, in the discussion before the 10-minute meditation session, was Day 10: Abundance and the Law of Karma. Deepak Chopra (who leads all the sessions in this series) introduced the concept of stewardship — responsibly caring for what we value, whether the well-being of a child, the health of our physical body, the resources of our planet. I agree that it's important to ask ourselves if we are being good stewards of our wonderous bodies, and of the minds and spirits contained therein. We need to make choices of all kinds more consciously — whether to stay up late again, blow off exercising because we're tired, buy the economy-size package of that red-light food because it's on sale, not take the time to make our lunch even though we'll be forced to eat fast food or vending machine fare again. The same goes ...

(Originally published 29 October 2012 as  What we do to ourselves )   I was taking a break and journaling after a stint of decluttering and organizing work. As soon as I wrote it, this sentence jumped off the page at me: "I was feeling frantic and not far from tears earlier, thinking 'I can't do this anymore!' and then wondering why and how I keep doing this to myself." The first "do this" (as in I can't anymore) was the sorting, the deciding is it trash? do I keep it? where should it go? Occasionally the answer is obvious and the choice easy to make. But more often, I'm not sure; a whole host of questions and considerations and options come up, and I don't know what's the best thing to do, and I often end up putting it in an undecided category and postponing the determination. The second "do this" (as in why do I keep doing this to myself?) was my wail of despair not unlike the blogs I sometimes read by Sparkers disgusted a...

(Originally published 15 July 2012)  We keep looking for that one little thing we can do to keep us safe. We latch onto each new study finding that if we take this one pill or eat this certain breakfast food or get this amount of exercise, we'll stay healthy and all our problems will disappear. Sorry, but it doesn't work that way. Actually, it may be your fearful, angry, ashamed, and unloving thoughts and emotions that have more to do with longevity than how much fiber or how few calories you eat, or the frequency and intensity of your workouts. Consider the Helsinki study which Deepak Chopra mentions in Reinventing the Body, Resurrecting the Soul (pp 83-84): A group of middle-aged Finnish men at high risk for heart attack were placed in two groups. The control group got no special attention; they saw their doctor a few times a year and got the same general advice about eating better, exercising more, losing weight, and not smoking. The second group was followed carefully,...

(Originally published 1 July 2012 )   I just finished Deepak Chopra's Reinventing the Body, Resurrecting the Soul . * It may be the best self-help book I have ever read; it is certainly one of the most profound, powerful, and practical. It is so good that as soon as I finished the final page, I turned back to the first in order to begin again. This time I plan to spend more time delving into the exercises, recording and journaling on the various tools and activities he suggests. The book opens on a very personal note. At the beginning of the Introduction: The Forgotten Miracle, he recounts his first encounter with a cadaver in medical school: "I took my scalpel and cut a fine line down the skin over the breastbone. The mystery of the human body was about to reveal itself. At that moment I also stripped the body of its sacred nature. I crossed a line that is nearly impossible to recross ever again." The first section of the book is Reinventing Your Body. Here Chopra ...

(Originally published 10 June 2012)  My team huddles “You have time for what matters most.” and today's status “BLESSEDBEING just finished reading Chopra's RTB, RTS Breakthrough #5: Time Isn't Your Enemy. Awesome! Blog to come. (Teaser: Diet & exercise are NOT the main keys to anti-aging.)” gave a preview to this blog. Deepak Chopra wrote Reinventing the Body, Resurrecting the Soul in 2009. I'm still slogging through Quantum Healing at work, reading over my lunch hour; it was written in the 80's, more dry science, less humor and poetry. In contrast, I was reading the newer book on the elliptical machine at the club today, alternately laughing and crying. There is such power, such beauty, such simplicity to his message. This may be my favorite book of his so far. I had gotten a hint when I read The Essential Ageless Body, Timeless Mind (condensed from that popular work from 15 years ago) about the mistaken beliefs we have about time. I've started using an...

(Originally published 9 June 2012)  "Seen symbolically, all disorders are cases where the body becomes a stranger, an enemy, a failed ally, or a defeated victim. To prevent those metaphors from turning into reality, you need to offer reassurance to your body that you will care for it, that you will listen when it speaks." That's from Deepak Chopra's Reinventing the Body, Resurrecting the Soul (p. 130 in the large print version). It appears in the section on Breakthrough #4: You Can Improve Your Genes. In this book and others, Chopra demonstrates how the body has amazing abilities to correct and heal itself. But for this to happen, "you need to feel comfortable in your body. There has to be a basic connection that isn't blocked by guilt, shame, and discomfort." Your thoughts and feelings determine how your cells will function. If your thoughts are constantly unhappy--angry, frustrated, sad, judgemental — losing weight and getting healthy is going to ...

(Originally published 8 June 2012)  I'm not proposing a theory here, but noting some interesting anecdotal samples or possible evidence. I had been hanging out for weeks around 151 to 152, very close to my goal weight, but just maintaining. I was preparing for an introductory meeting at work about the Full Plate Diet. (I'm a new member of our office wellness committee, and had been asked to lead our first group.) I was a bit nervous, not sure if we would get enough interest to proceed. I put quite a bit of time and preparation into it, and the meeting went quite well. A small group attended, and almost each person signed up to participate in the 8 sessions. I was quite relieved afterward, and the following morning, my weight dropped down to 150.0 for the first time. Was there a connection? I remained at 150.0 for the next several days, over the weekend and on Monday. Then we had a mandatory training that day. The first part was fun and insightful, but the second part was ha...

(Originally published 19 April 2012)  I had an epiphany of sorts in the shower this morning, which is where they often seem to come to me, and I hope I can recall those thoughts that flowed through my consciousness some eleven hours ago. I think I had been repeating some of the affirmations I've developed to encourage a shift in my attitudes around organizing and decluttering: "I easily let go of what I no longer need; I joyfully release all that does not serve me." (I like that this can apply to excess weight, limiting beliefs, judgements, toxic relationships, not just clutter.) "I easily choose a good place for what I own; I enjoy putting things in a good home." I was contemplating the decisions that have to be made — do I keep it? where should it go? how often does it get used? where do I use it? is it easy to access? should it be stored? where? in what? — in decluttering, and how overwhelming answering all those questions can be. In trying to reframe h...