Does it have to be “my best”?

(Originally published 1 November 2020) 

I’ve been putting pressure on myself and feeling guilty for not getting more done or making more progress. When I journaled about the feelings, I discovered there was both guilt and shame around not doing enough or doing a better job at the things I say I want to accomplish.

When I asked myself where those ideas or judgements came from, I realized I’m still being haunted by something I heard over 50 years ago! My father recounted a parent teacher conference in which he told the teacher that they (my parents) weren’t concerned about their children always getting top grades (though we pretty much did), that they “only” wanted us to do our best.

Now here’s the thing: I’m dynamite at process improvement (a selling point I stressed in all those job resumes and letters of interest), because I’m always looking for ways to make something better, more cost efficient, more accurate, easier to use. So no matter what I do, I can always think of ways I could have done it better. “My best” is an ideal I can’t reach.

I’m a big fan of that phrase “Progress, not perfection.” I don’t expect myself to be perfect. But this idea that my parents’ MINIMUM expectation was for me to do my best fills me with dread and hopelessness, because I just can’t do it; any effort could always be improved on.

So I have a job to do: to reprogram my brain and replace that belief that I should always do my best. I’m big on affirmations, so will try using them, including the classic “Progress, not perfection” as well as “good enough is good enough” (actually a phrase that got several hits when I Googled it, including a pop song Good Enough and an article on the origin of the phrase—links follow), “my good is good enough,” and “anything worth doing is worth doing okay.” (I’ve heard the counter phrase to “anything worth doing is worth doing well” of “anything worth doing is worth doing poorly” but I like my version better.)

Carlie Hanson - Good Enough [Official Lyrics Video] - YouTube

Good Enough is Good Enough -The School of Life Articles | Formerly The Book of Life

I’m hoping I can let go of the weight of expectations and obligations, and get back to following my program and taking positive steps because I want to reach my goals & make progress for me, for my happiness, health and peace of mind, and not for anyone else.

Blessed Be, Amanda           

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