Amanda's Musings

(Originally published 26 January 2013)  How odd that getting really sick for the first time in years would have such a silver lining. The tarot reading I did (with my beloved MotherPeace deck) on why I got sick and how to heal was amazingly spot on — and heralded in that Outcome card a surprising new direction for me. Judgement, card XX of the Major Arcana: the MotherPeace image shows a purple ankh on a lavender background, pouring a rainbow from Her center to cover the Earth in healing and beauty. Along with the Star card ("Opening to the Goddess"), it is my favorite MotherPeace image. According to Vicki Nobel (in MOTHERPEACE: A Way to the Goddess through Myth, Art, and Tarot), drawing the Judgement card in a reading indicates an important decision has already been made by your Higher Self. And so it has been. Somehow, yesterday it came to me: the time has come to put aside my kung fu training and apply those lessons, that energy and commitment to myself and my growth in...

(Originally published 2 June 2011)  Any of you who also suffer from Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder will completely understand me when I say PTSD sucks! I've done a lot of work, a lot of healing, and most of the time I do pretty dang well. I've been experiencing slow, steady success (I launched the Babysteps Brigade, after all!) here on Spark People: 35 pounds down and counting, more than halfway to my weight loss goal, making progress on the decluttering and organizing front. Yet more than 45 years after the abuse began, I can still get overwhelmed and lose it. I had an episode at work last week, and came out as a survivor to members of my work unit who didn't already know. I had an outburst in a witchcraft class two nights ago when another survivor voiced a belief that sounded to me like an attempt to justify what was done to us. I came home from that upsetting experience and did a Tarot reading (with my round multicultural, matriarchal Motherpeace deck), asking for guid...

(Originally published 23 March 2011) A little background first. Two nights ago I read a Spark Friend's blog in which she spoke of not liking her looks, as in active dislike and non-acceptance. I proceeded to type several impassioned paragraphs, starting with how her words made me want to cry. But before I was done and could submit my reply, one of my fingers evidently hit the wrong key, and the entire message disappeared. I was much too tired to try to recreate it at the time, so left some abbreviated comments on her page and called it a night. I am currently transcribing my Motherpeace tarot reading from Ostara, the Spring Equinox. (I've been using this multi-cultural, matriarchal round deck for years, but have not memorized the meaning of each card, so I use Vicki Noble's book to explore the significance of each card in relation to its placement in the spread.) Given that I turned the Shaman of Swords in the Near Future position, about which Vicki writes "Share you...