Amanda's Musings

(Originally published 7 January 2014)  This was my most recent status: “Anger over a situation at work is motivating me to make plans to address my own situation as well as the larger issues. It's unsettling, but empowering. Trying NOT to stay stuck in anger or hurt.” The latter has been hard. As I was trying to do an Oprah/Chopra meditation on CD this morning, I started weeping, then began repeating the EFT tapping routine just to bring some emotional relief. I was journaling over my morning coffee (fully recognizing that my PTS has been triggered over issues about being taken advantage of at work) when I wrote this: "I want to keep remembering and affirming that I deserve better. I deserve fair pay and treatment at work. I deserve an abundant salary for the value of my work. I deserve to be treated with respect and care. I deserve to be free of a toxic, dysfunctional environment." Especially with that last statement, something shifted. I went on to journal "T

(Originally published 3 December 2013)  According to Marshall Rosenberg, author of Nonviolent Communication, it has "enormous power to create shame and guilt" yet is so ingrained and commonly used, many of us can't imagine living without it. It is the word "should." It is strongly judgmental, and suggests the person not doing what they "should" is somehow morally defective or bad — or lazy or stupid, or somehow branded by one or more negative characteristics. It also implies a lack of choice which leads to resistance, for humans crave freedom and choice, and abhor tyranny "even when it's internal tyranny in the form of a "should." Though most of the book focuses on skills and attitudes that assist you in communicating more harmoniously and effectively with others, I was most struck by Chapter 9: Connecting Compassionately with Ourselves. I especially liked the point he makes on p. 132: "Our challenge then, when we are doing

(Originally published 8 September 2013)  "Success is not the key to happiness. Happiness is the key to success. If you love what you are doing, you will be successful." — Albert Schweitzer That was my update today. I found it in a tapping (EFT) book I got from the library. I mentioned 2 other books I got on tapping in my last blog. I got them from the library, too, & I’ve since purchased both of them so I can review them as often as I want. I thought I might stop there, but I had picked up another library book, Freedom at Your Fingertips compiled by Ron Ball, and decided to open it up & skim. The opening chapter “The Basics of EFT” by Ron Ball is followed by chapters covering such subjects as “Abundance & Prosperity," "Addictions," "Blockages & Obstacles," "Fears & Phobias," "Pain Management,” “Procrastination” & “Weight Loss” (plus more besides), all by a different EFT practitioner or expert. I was intrig

(Originally published 17 August 2013)  Hard to believe it’s been 4 months since I last blogged. I’ve never been an daily blogger—I wait until I have something inspiring or important to share. But I admit I’ve also gotten into that mindset that my blogs should be positive or hopeful—and that’s not really how I’ve been feeling. Life wasn’t bad. I had lost those 75 pounds over 2-plus years, I was maintaining a healthy weight and trying to focus on applying what worked with shedding the pounds with shedding that other kind of weight—the clutter in my home that has plagued me for years. Sure I’d get stressed at work, and sometimes my PTSD would get triggered, but not big time: I wasn’t miserable. Then came the pinched nerve. My arm and hand kept buzzing uncomfortably at odd times during the day, sometimes going into a dull but debilitating aching. I didn’t know what was causing it. It was getting worse, so I went to the doctor who recommended physical therapy and seeing a chiropractor.

(Originally published 20 April 2013)  Just a short blog copied from a Spark Mail message to a dear friend I met here on Spark. I offer it to my other friends — those I've met & those I haven't yet, but who may find these words and be touched by them, in that magical way we motivate, guide and inspire each other in this amazing community. Yes, trying to find that elusive balance is perhaps a never-ending process! I sincerely believe it is essential to make a commitment to oneself to spend some regular time doing what is most needed--preparing healthy meals and snacks, exercising, creating an orderly & nurturing environment, or building a strong relationship. We have to matter enough to ourselves & we have to value our well-being enough to overcome habits and negative messages and invest time and effort in ourselves and in cultivating new, life-affirming, empowering habits. I hope you know how much I'm talking to myself here — as much as to you! It's somet

  (Originally published 17 March 2013 ) Last night I shared a dear Spark Friend's posting in my comments on another Spark Friend's blog. ROSALIEESTHER's words had affected me deeply when she posted them on our Babysteps Brigade team on 2/28, and I recalled that I wanted to share them with others in a blog. So here I am, and these are her words: "I've been thinking a lot lately about the baby part of baby steps. Seems to me that we need to learn to embrace each step we make just as we would a baby's step. Wouldn't we make much of a baby learning to walk? Wouldn't we be gentle and full of admiration even if that baby faltered and fell? Let's see ourselves with kind and loving eyes. Let's allow ourselves to take the time it takes to make progress. In the grand scheme of things we are all babies." I shared her post on my other 2 main teams, and several people responded favorably to the themes of being gentle with ourselves and celebrating

(Originally published 24 February 2013)  4 weeks ago, when I wrote the blog "A new challenge and refined focus," I ended with the pledge to relaunch my Conquer Clutter Campaign. That was the alliterative title I came up with a couple years ago, I think, around the time I founded the Babysteps Brigade. Babysteps (the approach and the small, enthusiastic team) have served me well on my weight loss journey: 75 pounds lost over more than 2 years, gradually and relatively easily, by making small incremental changes in diet, exercise, thinking, routines. But I realized the time had come to do more than spend the occasional 5 minutes here & 10 minutes there if I were ever to win myself free of the lifetime of clutter and disorganization that has weighed me down and kept me stuck, just as surely as those 75 excess pounds ever did. And so I made the sacrifice of suspending my beloved kung fu training in order to devote solid blocks of time to this new endeavor. Within days of

(Originally published 26 January 2013)  How odd that getting really sick for the first time in years would have such a silver lining. The tarot reading I did (with my beloved MotherPeace deck) on why I got sick and how to heal was amazingly spot on — and heralded in that Outcome card a surprising new direction for me. Judgement, card XX of the Major Arcana: the MotherPeace image shows a purple ankh on a lavender background, pouring a rainbow from Her center to cover the Earth in healing and beauty. Along with the Star card ("Opening to the Goddess"), it is my favorite MotherPeace image. According to Vicki Nobel (in MOTHERPEACE: A Way to the Goddess through Myth, Art, and Tarot), drawing the Judgement card in a reading indicates an important decision has already been made by your Higher Self. And so it has been. Somehow, yesterday it came to me: the time has come to put aside my kung fu training and apply those lessons, that energy and commitment to myself and my growth in

(Originally published 29 December 2012)  Inspired by a Spark Friend who posted such a blog, I would like to mention 3 major positive influences which have supported my growth this year: Spark People, Seven Star Women's Kung Fu, and the Chopra Center. I've been actively Sparking for more than 2 years, but this year has been more consistent (517 straight days of logging in — WooHoo!) and I've hit 2 major milestones this year. When I began this journey weighing in at 215 (well into the obese range as a short woman), 150 seemed a very far off dream. I reached that just before mid-year, and I finally broke into a healthy BMI at the end of the year here. I love the tools and resources and diversity on this site! The wonderful teams I co-lead, my beloved Babysteps Brigade, Survivors of Abuse and A Gathering of Goddesses, have played a large part in my success. Checking in daily, sharing questions, ideas, struggles, progress, inspiration — all this has kept me on track and moti

(Originally published 23 November 2012 ) The current 21-Day Meditation Challenge from the Chopra Center (on Creating Abundance) has been wonderful. My favorite so far, in the discussion before the 10-minute meditation session, was Day 10: Abundance and the Law of Karma. Deepak Chopra (who leads all the sessions in this series) introduced the concept of stewardship — responsibly caring for what we value, whether the well-being of a child, the health of our physical body, the resources of our planet. I agree that it's important to ask ourselves if we are being good stewards of our wonderous bodies, and of the minds and spirits contained therein. We need to make choices of all kinds more consciously — whether to stay up late again, blow off exercising because we're tired, buy the economy-size package of that red-light food because it's on sale, not take the time to make our lunch even though we'll be forced to eat fast food or vending machine fare again. The same goes

(Originally published 29 October 2012 as  What we do to ourselves )   I was taking a break and journaling after a stint of decluttering and organizing work. As soon as I wrote it, this sentence jumped off the page at me: "I was feeling frantic and not far from tears earlier, thinking 'I can't do this anymore!' and then wondering why and how I keep doing this to myself." The first "do this" (as in I can't anymore) was the sorting, the deciding is it trash? do I keep it? where should it go? Occasionally the answer is obvious and the choice easy to make. But more often, I'm not sure; a whole host of questions and considerations and options come up, and I don't know what's the best thing to do, and I often end up putting it in an undecided category and postponing the determination. The second "do this" (as in why do I keep doing this to myself?) was my wail of despair not unlike the blogs I sometimes read by Sparkers disgusted a

(Originally published 18 August 2012)  It all started with reading a great blog by my  Spark Friend  Ronnie back on March 28, One Thing I Know..... There Will Always Be Excuses. She shares her regret at giving up on learning to skateboard with her grandson because she fell so many times her first time trying. I like her observation that beginnings are rarely pretty, and "sometimes you suck at it so move on and you will get better." In my comment I thanked her for the inspiration, and wrote: "The thing I have been wanting to try and thinking about is learning self-defense. I was just thinking about it again this morning, and I'm choosing to take your timely blog as a sign that I am meant to go for it. I will start researching options and report within days." It actually took me longer than that to take action. But I finally Googled 'self-defense' 'women' 'Tukwila' (my city) and got a few local martial arts schools, including one in Sea

(Originally published 15 July 2012)  We keep looking for that one little thing we can do to keep us safe. We latch onto each new study finding that if we take this one pill or eat this certain breakfast food or get this amount of exercise, we'll stay healthy and all our problems will disappear. Sorry, but it doesn't work that way. Actually, it may be your fearful, angry, ashamed, and unloving thoughts and emotions that have more to do with longevity than how much fiber or how few calories you eat, or the frequency and intensity of your workouts. Consider the Helsinki study which Deepak Chopra mentions in Reinventing the Body, Resurrecting the Soul (pp 83-84): A group of middle-aged Finnish men at high risk for heart attack were placed in two groups. The control group got no special attention; they saw their doctor a few times a year and got the same general advice about eating better, exercising more, losing weight, and not smoking. The second group was followed carefully,

(Originally published 4 July 2012 ) I knew I would spend some time this Independence Day holiday thinking about freedom. I just finished writing in my journal, and will share here where my current focus is. I enjoy greater physical freedom with the 65 pounds I've shed over the last 20 months. I'm very gradually getting free of some of the clutter and disorganization as well. There's still a lot to do on that front, but I feel more confident that I will continue to make progress. A very new possibility has opened up for me with my interest in quantum healing. If we can encourage our bodies to essentially "grow younger" and heal various conditions, to access vibrant health and energy as we attract abundance into our lives, might I heal my PTSD and chemical sensitivities at a cellular level? I have found Deepak Chopra's works such as (The Essential) Ageless Body, Timeless Mind , The Seven Spiritual Laws of Success , and especially Reinventing the Body, Resu

(Originally published 1 July 2012 )   I just finished Deepak Chopra's Reinventing the Body, Resurrecting the Soul . * It may be the best self-help book I have ever read; it is certainly one of the most profound, powerful, and practical. It is so good that as soon as I finished the final page, I turned back to the first in order to begin again. This time I plan to spend more time delving into the exercises, recording and journaling on the various tools and activities he suggests. The book opens on a very personal note. At the beginning of the Introduction: The Forgotten Miracle, he recounts his first encounter with a cadaver in medical school: "I took my scalpel and cut a fine line down the skin over the breastbone. The mystery of the human body was about to reveal itself. At that moment I also stripped the body of its sacred nature. I crossed a line that is nearly impossible to recross ever again." The first section of the book is Reinventing Your Body. Here Chopra

(Originally published 10 June 2012)  My team huddles “You have time for what matters most.” and today's status “BLESSEDBEING just finished reading Chopra's RTB, RTS Breakthrough #5: Time Isn't Your Enemy. Awesome! Blog to come. (Teaser: Diet & exercise are NOT the main keys to anti-aging.)” gave a preview to this blog. Deepak Chopra wrote Reinventing the Body, Resurrecting the Soul in 2009. I'm still slogging through Quantum Healing at work, reading over my lunch hour; it was written in the 80's, more dry science, less humor and poetry. In contrast, I was reading the newer book on the elliptical machine at the club today, alternately laughing and crying. There is such power, such beauty, such simplicity to his message. This may be my favorite book of his so far. I had gotten a hint when I read The Essential Ageless Body, Timeless Mind (condensed from that popular work from 15 years ago) about the mistaken beliefs we have about time. I've started using an

(Originally published 9 June 2012)  "Seen symbolically, all disorders are cases where the body becomes a stranger, an enemy, a failed ally, or a defeated victim. To prevent those metaphors from turning into reality, you need to offer reassurance to your body that you will care for it, that you will listen when it speaks." That's from Deepak Chopra's Reinventing the Body, Resurrecting the Soul (p. 130 in the large print version). It appears in the section on Breakthrough #4: You Can Improve Your Genes. In this book and others, Chopra demonstrates how the body has amazing abilities to correct and heal itself. But for this to happen, "you need to feel comfortable in your body. There has to be a basic connection that isn't blocked by guilt, shame, and discomfort." Your thoughts and feelings determine how your cells will function. If your thoughts are constantly unhappy--angry, frustrated, sad, judgemental — losing weight and getting healthy is going to

(Originally published 8 June 2012)  I'm not proposing a theory here, but noting some interesting anecdotal samples or possible evidence. I had been hanging out for weeks around 151 to 152, very close to my goal weight, but just maintaining. I was preparing for an introductory meeting at work about the Full Plate Diet. (I'm a new member of our office wellness committee, and had been asked to lead our first group.) I was a bit nervous, not sure if we would get enough interest to proceed. I put quite a bit of time and preparation into it, and the meeting went quite well. A small group attended, and almost each person signed up to participate in the 8 sessions. I was quite relieved afterward, and the following morning, my weight dropped down to 150.0 for the first time. Was there a connection? I remained at 150.0 for the next several days, over the weekend and on Monday. Then we had a mandatory training that day. The first part was fun and insightful, but the second part was ha

(Originally published 3 June 2012)  "BLESSEDBEING is now officially at my original goal weight of 150 = 65 pounds lost! I've got my Amazon shopping cart standing by!" That was my status from this morning. I don't move my weight tracker the first time I touch on a new weight level. Once I've reached a new low weight (rounded to the pound) and maintained it for 3 days, then I consider it official. I probably didn't set a goal weight when I first joined Spark People in the summer of 2009; I probably did it in the fall of 2010 when I started my serious solo-Sparking (before I discovered the power of Spark teams). 150 seemed really far away from 215, where I began. 65 pounds, a 30% weight loss is significant. I went from a size 18 or 2X in Women's sizes to a size 12 or Large in Misses. (I've even bought one size 10 pair of pants!) I look better and feel better. My joints rarely hurt and I don't get as tired. Why am I not more excited about this? I

(Originally published 19 April 2012)  I had an epiphany of sorts in the shower this morning, which is where they often seem to come to me, and I hope I can recall those thoughts that flowed through my consciousness some eleven hours ago. I think I had been repeating some of the affirmations I've developed to encourage a shift in my attitudes around organizing and decluttering: "I easily let go of what I no longer need; I joyfully release all that does not serve me." (I like that this can apply to excess weight, limiting beliefs, judgements, toxic relationships, not just clutter.) "I easily choose a good place for what I own; I enjoy putting things in a good home." I was contemplating the decisions that have to be made — do I keep it? where should it go? how often does it get used? where do I use it? is it easy to access? should it be stored? where? in what? — in decluttering, and how overwhelming answering all those questions can be. In trying to reframe h

(Originally published 2 June 2012)  This blog has grown out of a comment I wrote, responding to a comment on my Be a Warrior blog. (I think that blog is one of my best & most important, up there with Let Me Be Your Mirror and It Doesn't Have to Be Hard.) This is the first time I've posted 2 comments, myself, in response to the comments of Spark Friends. This is the comment I just wrote: "I personally don't choose to focus on trying to understand why my father abused me. I know I did not deserve to be abused, to be made to feel helpless or unloved. And I know that I am not helpless anymore. I am strong, and getting stronger all the time. I choose to love and nurture myself with healthy eating and exercise. I do my best to remove negative thought patterns and behaviors and replace them with hopeful, empowering, loving affirmations and habits. My current focus, now that I've been quite successful at releasing my excess weight, is on creating a beautiful &

(Originally published 26 May 2012)  When I mention suffering from Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder, I’m sometimes asked if I’m a veteran. (Maybe they are wondering if I’m old enough to have been a nurse in Nam.) In most people’s minds, PTSD is linked to combat. But there are other traumas, other horrors, that afflict large numbers—particularly women. Victims of abuse and violence—whether a single random act in the near past, or chronic abuse from long ago—carry emotional scars and can be triggered by situations just as easily as the combat vet who dives for cover when a car backfires. Last year, on Memorial Day, I posted a blog, My Memorial Day Dedication, which opened with this paragraph: "'Honor all who didn't survive, and choose to thrive' was my huddle today on all my teams. While some team members mentioned the holiday, and spoke in support of veterans and remembering those who serve, I am choosing to memorialize another group of the fallen: the victims of abuse w

(Originally published 21 May 2012 as " I know it's Spark heresy, but . . ." )  . . . I don't track my food. Now I don't object to anyone else tracking theirs. I've heard *many* Sparkers report how tracking is one of their most cherished and useful tools here on the site, and I say more power to 'em! I just don't want to do it. And just to let you know, I've lost over 60 pounds in the last year-and-a-half-plus, which represents more than a 25% reduction in my body weight, without weighing and measuring food or counting calories, carbs, fat, and the rest. I do track my freggie servings daily, and my water — which is woefully shy of the recommended 8 or more cups per day. I also track a couple of team goals related to food: on A Gathering of Goddesses, my Earth goal is to eat one or more servings of raw, unprocessed fruit or vegetables, and my healthy eating goal on the Babysteps Brigade is to eat no more than one dessert serving daily. (I tend to