Freedom

(Originally published 4 July 2012)

I knew I would spend some time this Independence Day holiday thinking about freedom. I just finished writing in my journal, and will share here where my current focus is.

I enjoy greater physical freedom with the 65 pounds I've shed over the last 20 months. I'm very gradually getting free of some of the clutter and disorganization as well. There's still a lot to do on that front, but I feel more confident that I will continue to make progress.

A very new possibility has opened up for me with my interest in quantum healing. If we can encourage our bodies to essentially "grow younger" and heal various conditions, to access vibrant health and energy as we attract abundance into our lives, might I heal my PTSD and chemical sensitivities at a cellular level?

I have found Deepak Chopra's works such as (The Essential) Ageless Body, Timeless Mind, The Seven Spiritual Laws of Success, and especially Reinventing the Body, Resurrecting the Soul to be profoundly exciting and encouraging in terms of the changes we can cultivate within ourselves to transform our physical bodies and our lives. I have used affirmations to heal sore throats, emotional distress, and hay fever symptoms. Why not PTSD?

I had a mild episode at the gym today. I could feel myself shutting down emotionally, as I felt the need to protect myself, and was about to leave and go home, when I checked at the desk again and found the person had finally arrived with a key to get into the room with the volume controls to the music that had been blasting loud enough to hurt through my earplugs. With the knowledge that the auditory "assault" was ending, I went outside into the sunshine, breathed deeply, walked over to a tree, put my hand on it and prayed.

I returned to begin a new circuit, but could still feel the stiffness in my face and the protective shell-like quality in my body. I knew that my emotional distress had dumped certain chemicals in my body. (I might not know their names, but I had read enough Chopra—whose specialty is endocrinology—to be sure of some of the physical responses that had taken place which aren't conducive to good health.) So I talked to my cells and repeated several of my favorite affirmations in time with my strength exercises.

In a surprisingly short time I felt much lighter, and back on an even keel. In the past I've been pleased when I've come back from an episode in hours to a day and a half, depending on the severity. Granted this is one instance and the trigger was not especially intense. But being able to escape being swallowed up in emotional suffering or numbness or exhaustion is a blessing for a survivor like me.

I am more committed than ever to continue my reading, my exercises, my affirmations, and meditating. I am thankful for the teachers I've had, and will do what I can to offer what I've been given to others who may likewise benefit. May we all find what we need to set our spirits free.

Blessed Be, Amanda