Amanda's Musings

(Originally published 26 February 2020)  After writing this in my journal this morning, I thought, 'Hey, that's sort of profound' and so decided to share it with y'all: "We can't just focus on, or go straight to, what we wish we had done better. It's important to give ourselves credit for our babysteps and positive choices first. We don't have to ignore or cover up poor choices or tasks left undone, but there's no need to beat ourselves up or get bummed out. We'll stay more engaged and encouraged, enthusiastic and energized by acknowledging our progress first." It worked for me. By writing down several things I accomplished the previous day, I felt better and stronger, and eager to make more progress that night after getting home from work. Maybe this will resonate with some of you as well. Blessed Be, Amanda            

(Originally published 6 March 2017)  I feel my heart overflowing: I'm content. I don't feel dissatisfied, like I need things to be different from how they are. I want to change some things, and I'm working on those positive changes, and that's a good thing. But I'm not in a terrible hurry. I'm taking small steps and having fun along the way. And that feels good and right. I love the balance and sense of enough. [Journal entry 2/26/17]

(Originally published 1 January 2017)   Hopefully you've figured out on your own, or accepted what they keep telling us here on Spark People, that starting the New Year with a big honking laundry list of resolutions about how you're suddenly going to be perfect is a sure-fire plan to fail. We can all make positive changes in our lives as long as we do it with focus, compassion, creativity, balance, and humor. (You were expecting me to advise you to be realistic, right? That can be helpful — as opposed to the fantasy of "I'm going to change these 10 things all at the same time and I'm going to do everything perfectly right now!" But to me admonitions to "be realistic" can carry a sense of limitation or lack, like if I was just good enough or motivated or something else enough, I could take the accelerated road to success, but because of something lacking in me, I'll have to be satisfied with the watered-down, easier, it'll take me so much l...

(Originally published 4 April 2014)  I will take babysteps today — I will, I will, I will! Goddess, I want to make changes, make progress, move forward toward my goals! I want to feel free and powerful. I can't get there all at once, but I can take action TODAY! I can take *at least* one step — and maybe even more than one. Yes!

  (Originally published 17 March 2013 ) Last night I shared a dear Spark Friend's posting in my comments on another Spark Friend's blog. ROSALIEESTHER's words had affected me deeply when she posted them on our Babysteps Brigade team on 2/28, and I recalled that I wanted to share them with others in a blog. So here I am, and these are her words: "I've been thinking a lot lately about the baby part of baby steps. Seems to me that we need to learn to embrace each step we make just as we would a baby's step. Wouldn't we make much of a baby learning to walk? Wouldn't we be gentle and full of admiration even if that baby faltered and fell? Let's see ourselves with kind and loving eyes. Let's allow ourselves to take the time it takes to make progress. In the grand scheme of things we are all babies." I shared her post on my other 2 main teams, and several people responded favorably to the themes of being gentle with ourselves and celebrating...

(Originally published 24 February 2013)  4 weeks ago, when I wrote the blog "A new challenge and refined focus," I ended with the pledge to relaunch my Conquer Clutter Campaign. That was the alliterative title I came up with a couple years ago, I think, around the time I founded the Babysteps Brigade. Babysteps (the approach and the small, enthusiastic team) have served me well on my weight loss journey: 75 pounds lost over more than 2 years, gradually and relatively easily, by making small incremental changes in diet, exercise, thinking, routines. But I realized the time had come to do more than spend the occasional 5 minutes here & 10 minutes there if I were ever to win myself free of the lifetime of clutter and disorganization that has weighed me down and kept me stuck, just as surely as those 75 excess pounds ever did. And so I made the sacrifice of suspending my beloved kung fu training in order to devote solid blocks of time to this new endeavor. Within days of ...

(Originally published 29 October 2012 as  What we do to ourselves )   I was taking a break and journaling after a stint of decluttering and organizing work. As soon as I wrote it, this sentence jumped off the page at me: "I was feeling frantic and not far from tears earlier, thinking 'I can't do this anymore!' and then wondering why and how I keep doing this to myself." The first "do this" (as in I can't anymore) was the sorting, the deciding is it trash? do I keep it? where should it go? Occasionally the answer is obvious and the choice easy to make. But more often, I'm not sure; a whole host of questions and considerations and options come up, and I don't know what's the best thing to do, and I often end up putting it in an undecided category and postponing the determination. The second "do this" (as in why do I keep doing this to myself?) was my wail of despair not unlike the blogs I sometimes read by Sparkers disgusted a...

(Originally published 3 June 2012)  "BLESSEDBEING is now officially at my original goal weight of 150 = 65 pounds lost! I've got my Amazon shopping cart standing by!" That was my status from this morning. I don't move my weight tracker the first time I touch on a new weight level. Once I've reached a new low weight (rounded to the pound) and maintained it for 3 days, then I consider it official. I probably didn't set a goal weight when I first joined Spark People in the summer of 2009; I probably did it in the fall of 2010 when I started my serious solo-Sparking (before I discovered the power of Spark teams). 150 seemed really far away from 215, where I began. 65 pounds, a 30% weight loss is significant. I went from a size 18 or 2X in Women's sizes to a size 12 or Large in Misses. (I've even bought one size 10 pair of pants!) I look better and feel better. My joints rarely hurt and I don't get as tired. Why am I not more excited about this? I...

(Originally published 18 March 2012)  Whether you actually did this in science class or not, you know how rats are put into a maze, and how they run down and back those passages looking for the cheese. Once they've gone down the same passage a few times and found no reward there, they usually stop going that way and concentrate their search in different directions where the likelihood of finding their cheesy reward is greater. So are you as smart as the average lab rat? Are there goals you want to accomplish — some reward as important to you as a chunk of cheese is to a rat? Are there paths and actions you have taken in the past that have proved unsuccessful at bringing you closer to your goals? Have you abandoned them and tried a new way? Maybe you think you know exactly how to reach your destination. You have the perfect road map: to lose those unwanted pounds, you just have to give up sugar and fat and salt, most of your favorite foods and do 30 minutes of cardio and 30 mo...

(Originally published 8 March 2012)  This is a comment I wrote on a Spark Friend’s blog about living with a recovering type 2 diabetic:  “What saddens me the most is that people assume change has to be hard. It doesn't have to be. Moderation and babysteps will produce improvements. We don't have to be perfect. As long as we make better choices most of the time, we will get stronger, slimmer, and healthier. To me, that's not hard--it's fun, it's empowering, it's motivating!” Losing weight, getting stronger and improving your health (or getting organized or making any other improvement in your life) does not have to be hard. But if you tell yourself it will be hard, or worse yet impossible, that will most likely be your experience. The question is, do you want it to be hard or not? Notice, I'm not saying it will be EASY to change. But it does require a willingness to make changes in the way you do things, and especially in the way you think. I love Louis...

(Originally published 2 February 2012)  The Babysteps Brigade is one year old today! My sweet little team, dedicated to slow, steady progress has been thriving in our little corner of the Sparkverse. We may be small (just under 50), but we have a core of active & supportive members who like to share their successes and cheer each other on. I have babystepped my way to a weight loss of more than 55 pounds over the last 16 or 17 months. I'm less than 10 pounds from my initial goal of 150!  When I reach that goal, I will set my sights on another 10 pounds to reach a healthy BMI. The weight's coming down pretty slowly now, since I'm sort of in a maintenance mode, but I am confident I will reach these goals — and stay there lifelong. You see, that's the cool thing about babysteps and the gradual approach. My exercise and eating are far from "perfect," but who cares? I like what I'm doing, and have no desire to stop when I hit 140. I will definitely be t...

(Originally published 19 January 2012 )   The idea for this particular blog (part of my Conquer Clutter Campaign series) came today when I was replying to a Spark Friend's email about some travel plans: "I'm envious that you are able to travel, and not work full-time. I'm not very financially savvy, and have no idea when I'll ever be able to retire! I considered a dual focus this year of organizing and finances, but the former is the greater need for now, and the most challenging. I think it may really bring me face-to-face with some of my demons, and will stand as a clear metaphor for letting go of the past and creating the life I want to live. Wow, there's so totally a blog there, waiting to be written!" I've recognized before that clutter, like excess fat, is something that weighs me down and saps my energy. Though I've realized, too, it bothers me a lot more. Over a year ago (1/26/11) in my first 3C blog, I wrote: "I'm more ashamed...

(Originally published 16 January 2012)  When I went back to see when I last posted a CCC blog, I discovered my first ever blog here on SP was 1/12/11, so I've been blogging just over a year. I had 3 officially named 3C blogs, the last one written a few days after I launched the Babysteps Brigade team on February 2nd of last year. Organizing took a bit of a back seat this past year. I became a co-leader on 2 other teams, A Gathering of Goddesses and Survivors of Abuse. And I experienced true success on my fitness and weight loss journey. I've lost more than 55 pounds now, and am less than 10 from my original goal. I left the obese BMI range behind and dropped 3 pants sizes. I've already lost more than a quarter of my original body weight. Once I get to my goal of 150, I can lose another 10 and reach the healthy BMI range for my height--and a total loss of 75 pounds at that point will represent more than a third of my body weight gone for good. The change has been slow and ...

(Originally published 1 January 2012)  [This was inspired by " one of my favorite ever blogs" by another Spark member, entitled  Looking back on 2011, but only for a minute, & the Year of Me — which sadly I can no longer find]   I totally relate to yearning for purpose and passion. I found my path this last year thanks to the amazing Sparkverse, and my awesome Spark Friends. Since the fall of 2010, I've lost 55 pounds — one quarter of my original body weight! I will continue to practice the fitness habits that have brought me this far, and I will eventually reach a healthy (according to BMI standards) weight. I've chosen a new life area to focus my attention on in the coming year — organizing my home and life. I'm going to concentrate on my Conquer Clutter Campaign, which I haven't blogged about since launching the Babysteps Brigade team. In order to win the war against ingrained packrat habits, I need to strive for a desired end, and not just focus on w...

(Originally published 10 November 2011)  "It's impossible to lose weight over the holidays, so why even try?" "I always gain 10-20 pounds over Thanksgiving and Christmas, then I have to diet until Easter to get rid of it." "I'm too busy to exercise with all the holiday rush, so of course I'll gain weight." "It's too cold/dark/wet in the winter to exercise." "It's too hard to diet over the holidays, so I should just not try until after New Year’s." Does this sound like you? Are you convinced one or more or all of these statements are true? If that is what you believe, then you will probably make them come true for you. No matter what you have experienced in the past, why not try out a new belief or two over the next couple of months. I started seriously solo Sparking (I had yet to discover the power and joy of teams) last fall. Over 3 or 4 months, I lost better than 15 pounds, and weighed less than 200 for the...

(Originally published 26 August 2011)  My huddle today was "Let go of pressure & choose to live with ease!" I started using an affirmation "I let go of pressure & choose to live with ease" after leaving the ophthalmologist's office and learning I'll need a laser procedure to deal with elevated pressure in one eye. It got me thinking about how I may be putting pressure on myself. I realize some people might think such ideas are antithetical to fitness or an invitation to sloth. But I do not equate ease with laziness. I like to challenge myself, and I like following my slow, but steady progress in weight loss. I don't mind the plateaus; I keep doing what I know is good for me, keep using my affirmations, and I've lost an unglamorous — yet cumulatively thrilling — 4 pounds per month for most of a year. Yet while I'm pretty good about accepting my imperfect, though improving eating and exercise, I can still get frustrated and angry with m...

(Originally published 26 February 2011) That phrase, “babystepping my way to Glory,” came to me while speed walking yesterday on my afternoon break, as I gazed towards a golden sun in a sparkling blue sky that was reflecting off the still white patches from our last snowfall. I had been doing my Louise Hay affirmations* and my lovingkindness meditation phrases* and my heart was full of gratitude, joy, and hope; I was delighted with the beauty of the moment and pleased with myself and the progress I'm making. This was a much different and better place than when I wrote my Bad Days blog less than 48 hours earlier. Yet while I could feel the power and energy flowing through me so freely, I did not fall into the trap of thinking this is how will always feel or should always feel, or it's going to be easy from now on, or I'm always going to get as much accomplished as I had that day. I won't automatically earn as many nutrition and fitness points or get as much declutte...

  (Originally published 23 February 2011) I really know I'm making progress now. Work was OK, but it's been a rough evening at home. Frustration and disappointment over vacation planning issues, with more frustration and disappointment over the failure of the new resistance cord DVD to offer modifications for stiff knees. In the old days, any stress at work or in life was an excuse to buy and consume comfort food — in my case wine and chips, or other high-fat foods. Not this evening. OK, I switched from salad to soup, but chopped and added fresh veggies before emptying the can of soup into the pot. I made sure I was maintaining my Oases of Order (those small sections of real estate I have liberated from clutter) in the kitchen while I cooked. I cleaned the litterbox (one of my daily routines I'm establishing) and put in my (minimum) organizing time in order to fulfill my Babysteps Brigade team challenge activity and earn my corresponding Other Goal point. I wasn'...

(Originally published 8 February 2011) This is the status I posted yesterday, and before changing it this morning, I wanted to immortalize this development, which for me is somewhat momentous:  “BLESSEDBEING is experiencing a mental shift: as I look at my expanding Oases of Order, I know I *am* a capable organizer, if still a babystepping one! Aaahh!” It hasn't been that many days ago that I sent out a cry of help to members on my organizing teams because I was so overwhelmed by discouragement and despair over my disorganization, or that I sat here crying after reading the "what I cleaned" reports of teammates who were taming entire rooms and closets, while I wrested a half-square-foot of counter space at a time. It seemed like they were capable and I wasn't, they were succeeding and I wasn't, they were organizers and I wasn't. But in the few days since launching the Babysteps Brigade, not only my actions but my internal experience have changed. Just w...

  (Originally published 7 February 2011) If you're feeling overwhelmed and you can't seem to accomplish much, you might try something I came up with after my mom died, and I was looking at a house full of 30 years worth of packrat accumulation--while grieving this sudden, unexpected loss. I've never been a big one for To Do lists, and at that time it was just too depressing and immobilizing to try to write down everything that had to be done. Even in less extreme situations, no matter how many items have been checked off or crossed out, my attention always seems to focus on what hasn't been done yet. And I have a tendency to beat myself up over what I "failed to do." So all those years ago I created my first DID list. Everything I accomplished—every subscription I cancelled, every phone call I made—was written down on a numbered list. So even though every room bulged with projects waiting to be tackled, I could (and often did) look at my notebook and t...