Organizing Issues

(Originally published 19 April 2012) 

I had an epiphany of sorts in the shower this morning, which is where they often seem to come to me, and I hope I can recall those thoughts that flowed through my consciousness some eleven hours ago. I think I had been repeating some of the affirmations I've developed to encourage a shift in my attitudes around organizing and decluttering:

"I easily let go of what I no longer need; I joyfully release all that does not serve me." (I like that this can apply to excess weight, limiting beliefs, judgements, toxic relationships, not just clutter.)

"I easily choose a good place for what I own; I enjoy putting things in a good home."

I was contemplating the decisions that have to be made—do I keep it? where should it go? how often does it get used? where do I use it? is it easy to access? should it be stored? where? in what?—in decluttering, and how overwhelming answering all those questions can be. In trying to reframe how I see and feel about this process, the term "evaluating" came to mind—and so did a number of associations and thoughts.

It's really about determining the value of things in our lives—which should be natural and easy, but isn't. Why? OK, I have many interests, and don't want to toss something away I might wish later that I had; financial matters always give me the willies so anything fiscal or possibly legal seems safer to keep, because I don't want to get in trouble; letters, cards, or gifts from people I care about or who were important to me in the past, letting go of those things feels like a kind of abandonment. And a wiser, more balanced part of me recognized that I can deal with those fears, and that the real value in question is mine.

The link between abuse and body image and weight issues has long been recognized. But I have long suspected (without recourse to any research, but in my heart I know) a similar link to organizational issues—occasionally obsessive neatness, more often drastic disorder & colossal clutter, otherwise known as CHAOS: Can't Have Anyone Over Syndrome.

As an incest survivor, I recognize that our opinions, our desires, our very ability to choose and decide for ourselves were devalued and ignored. To cope, we often had to hide our truths and our inner values, and if we do that long enough, do we forget how to recognize and declare what we need? We had somebody else deciding what was right and what would happen that had no connection to who we were. So deciding what fits into our lives may be a bit foreign, a skill that needs to be relearned and honed.

It doesn't solve my clutter issues, it just helps me understand my own patterns a bit better. Creating a life of beauty and order, comfort and ease (my positive goal in opposition to clutter and disorganization) will require more than a few tips or tricks. It will really be a process of deciding who I am and who I want to be. And I've got to be willing to trust my ability to make decisions that may not be perfect, but are good enough for now.