My Memorial Day Dedication

(Originally published 30 May 2011) 

"Honor all who didn't survive, and choose to thrive" was my huddle today on all my teams. While some team members mentioned the holiday, and spoke in support of veterans and remembering those who serve, I am choosing to memorialize another group of the fallen: the victims of abuse who didn't become survivors.

I recently joined a Spark team for survivors of abuse. I've done intensive therapy and a lot of inner work on my own incest issues over the years. But Post Traumatic Stress can still affect me, interrupting my progress and threatening the gains I've made in my journey toward well-being, health, and wholeness.

In a discussion on the survivor team, I mentioned being in a small class, in which 3 of the 4 of us had been sexually abused. One of the team leaders responded that wasn't surprising, given the large numbers of victims of sexual abuse & assault, especially in childhood. Is it any wonder so many women struggle with weight issues? Or that cancer frequently strikes the breasts and sexual organs
those parts of a woman's body that have too often been violated?

One member, who recently completed her degree with a focus on Childhood Sexual Abuse, said the estimates are now 1 in 3 women, up from 1 in 4, as the "accepted" percentages. To my thinking, the situation is still absolutely UNACCEPTABLE. And given the familial pressure not to report, denial, repressed memories, fear of speaking out, and the fact that some victims don't survive to be counted, I believe the numbers are likely higher. But how high must they reach before we, as a society, a nation, a gender scream "That's enough! That's too many victims and too much suffering! It has to STOP!"?

I feel such rage that needs to be channeled productively. And I have such deep sorrow for the countless millions who suffer, often in silence and shame. But the shame is not ours. It belongs to the predators who harmed us, and to all who do nothing to address and eliminate this evil epidemic. And I mourn the uncounted victims who have diedwhether by their own hands or by those of their abusers, from substance abuse or illness or placing themselves in danger.

To survive is the first victory. To refuse to be limited by your past, to choose to heal and to thrive
that is a miracle. To reach out to others and share your struggles and your successes is a blessing. Take a moment to honor those who didn't make it. And rededicate yourself to your programwhatever it may be. Speak your truth. Choose strength, choose healing, choose to live & thrive.

Blessed Be, Amanda

 

[It is interesting to note that in The Body Knows the Score, dealing with the affects of trauma, there was a time when the mental health establishment believed incest was extremely rare, affecting at most 1 woman in a million. As a young therapist the author knew there were approximately 100 million women in America at that time, meaning there should only be 100 incest survivors in the whole country. So how did more than 40 of those 100 end up in his practice in one city?]

[There were a number of comments made on this blog. Some of my favorites:

Very unexpectedly, your blog moved me to tears. Thank you for sharing and for reminding us that we can overcome our abuse and for reminding us how important it is to honor those that never had the chance to.

Thanks! I came close to not surviving a few times when my daughter was little. Now I'm the grandmother to 3 girls, helping them to honor themselves. I can't guarantee they won't be abused, but I'm hoping I've set a good example. You are wonderful. I appreciate all you do.

Thanks for speaking ... especially for those who can't due to fear, shame, pride, denial. Thanks for being their voice.”]


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