My Memorial Day Dedication
I recently joined a Spark team for survivors of abuse. I've done intensive
therapy and a lot of inner work on my own incest issues over the years. But
Post Traumatic Stress can still affect me, interrupting my progress and
threatening the gains I've made in my journey toward well-being, health, and
wholeness.
In a discussion on the survivor team, I mentioned being in a small class, in
which 3 of the 4 of us had been sexually abused. One of the team leaders
responded that wasn't surprising, given the large numbers of victims of sexual
abuse & assault, especially in childhood. Is it any wonder so many women
struggle with weight issues? Or that cancer frequently strikes the breasts and
sexual organs—those parts of a woman's body that
have too often been violated?
One member, who recently completed her degree with a focus on Childhood Sexual
Abuse, said the estimates are now 1 in 3 women, up from 1 in
4, as the "accepted" percentages. To my thinking, the situation is
still absolutely UNACCEPTABLE. And given the familial pressure not to report,
denial, repressed memories, fear of speaking out, and the fact that some
victims don't survive to be counted, I believe the numbers are likely higher.
But how high must they reach before we, as a society, a nation, a gender scream
"That's enough! That's too many victims and too much suffering! It has to
STOP!"?
I feel such rage that needs to be
channeled productively. And I have such deep sorrow for the countless millions
who suffer, often in silence and shame. But the shame is not ours. It belongs
to the predators who harmed us, and to all who do nothing to address and
eliminate this evil epidemic. And I mourn the uncounted victims who have died—whether by their own hands or by those of their abusers, from
substance abuse or illness or placing themselves in danger.
To survive is the first victory. To refuse to be limited by your past, to
choose to heal and to thrive—that is a
miracle. To reach out to others and share your struggles and your successes is
a blessing. Take a moment to honor those who didn't make it. And rededicate
yourself to your program—whatever it may be. Speak your
truth. Choose strength, choose healing, choose to live & thrive.
Blessed Be, Amanda
[It is interesting to note that in
The Body Knows the Score, dealing with the affects of trauma, there was a time
when the mental health establishment believed incest was extremely rare,
affecting at most 1 woman in a million. As a young therapist the author knew
there were approximately 100 million women in America at that time, meaning
there should only be 100 incest survivors in the whole country. So how did more
than 40 of those 100 end up in his practice in one city?]
[There were a number of comments
made on this blog. Some of my favorites:
“Very
unexpectedly, your blog moved me to tears. Thank you for sharing and for
reminding us that we can overcome our abuse and for reminding us how important
it is to honor those that never had the chance to.”
“Thanks!
I came close to not surviving a few times when my daughter was little. Now I'm
the grandmother to 3 girls, helping them to honor themselves. I can't guarantee
they won't be abused, but I'm hoping I've set a good example. You are
wonderful. I appreciate all you do.”
“Thanks
for speaking ... especially for those who can't due to fear, shame, pride,
denial. Thanks for being their voice.”]
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