Missing Circle Time

(Originally published 6 May 2020) 

The whole time I was commuting up to Seattle, first with the state, then with my much better job with the county, I would journal while waiting for the bus and on my bus ride. So 5 days a week I spent 30-60 minutes to recount accomplishments from the day before, set intentions for the day, & express whatever might be going on for me. But when we began telecommuting in response to the pandemic, I didn’t have that built-in time in my schedule anymore. I switched my alarm from 5 to 6, giving myself more sleep instead.

It didn’t seem that important, and there hadn’t been that much emotional content to my journaling, especially since getting my career county position with a good salary. It seemed I was rolling with all the changes due to stay at home order pretty well. The only time I was trying to journal was while waiting in lines at stores, but by going early and planning trips well, I haven’t been waiting all that much. The last Saturday in April I jotted just a couple of sentences about the lines in Fred Meyer, saying “At least I have this to occupy myself.” Another voice (I’ve done a lot of parts work in the past, and like to switch ink colors when a different part or voice is expressing) replied “Yes, please!” But then I stopped while putting groceries on the belt, and when I got home I got busy with chores and never returned to journaling.

For whatever reason, I decided to journal instead of just diving into my current book with my morning coffee on 4/28, a Tuesday. After my usual opening of “Good morning, beautiful, capable and lovable team,” a different part broke in with an angry “Finally! Are we going to have more than 2 minutes to write and talk? We’re being shut out” (tears prickling) “& we hate it. Don’t you love us anymore?” (Young one buries herself in Kay’s protective embrace) Some of my parts have names and clear personalities, sometimes there’s a particular energy I identify with; since I’m quite visual, I often include expressions and gestures in parentheses. (Oh, Kay is a fierce young adult part, named by the Peanut Gallery—a bunch of sometimes rowdy younger parts—with the acronym Kay standing for Kick @$$ Yo! which she accepted with much eye rolling.)

I went on for 2 more pages, with appearances from parts whom I hadn’t worked with for many months, and at least one new part who has since earned her own name. One decision that came out of that first meeting was to change my alarm to 5:30, giving myself more time in the morning, and the understanding that I would dedicate 30 minutes to journaling before breakfast.

As that new part said, “Can we all agree we need this time together? We’re doing OK, but we need to check in and watch over all of us and make sure we’re really OK. Right?” An older, nurturing part replied “Yes. We have all missed this circle. It is necessary. It heals us. It empowers us. It helps us see and act clearly. It is who we are. Without it, we only express a small part of who we truly are.” Sometimes my parts can be rather profound.

Other times they can touch me deeply. “Do you promise not to leave us again? It was sad and scary all alone in the dark.” (Puts her head down and shudders) “You’re not alone young’un. We’re here, too. Always.” And they can make me laugh. “That’s right squirt.” (Kay ruffles her hair) “You’ve got us all, all the time. But it’s easier to remember that when we’re all talking. So everybody good with establishing a new Circle Time?” (Enthusiastic cheers, clapping, singing, scuffling, dancing) “I take that as a resounding ‘Yes’!” (Pumps fist in air) “That means bedtime at 10, so no dawdling.” (Shakes her finger with mock scowl) “You know I require my beauty sleep.” (Haughty look while fluffing hair to much laughter from the Peanut Gallery.)

I’ve been thoroughly enjoying journaling again with my parts. There have been strong feelings that needed addressing. And we’ve spent time carefully reviewing our guidelines for sharing, so it’s not a free-for-all, and no parts feel shamed or blamed. One day when there was a lot of upset over excessive snacking the previous night & resulting weight gain, the adult part who begins with our list of accomplishments or progress report from the day before reminded us to keep to the pattern, and after laying out all the positive actions we took, it put that one bad choice in perspective, and made it easier to focus on what we can do differently, instead of staying stuck in self-blame or horribilizing the situation.

This got me thinking about schools and a possibly unthought-of consequence of isolating children at home away from peers and socializing activities. Maybe it’s only little children who have “Circle Time,” but even for older students, there are usually rules for class discussions that encourage respect and empathy and learning to handle conflicts or express disagreement with courtesy, if not compassion.

So while some kinds of learning can be done online, lessons in getting along, in recognizing verbal and non-verbal cues, in appropriate ways to communicate and self-express are also necessary to development, and not so easy to do without face-to-face interactions. Something for parents and schools to consider.

Whether you’ve done parts work or not, have tried journaling or not, have school-aged children or not, I invite you to reflect on how some format of internal or external Circle Time might be helpful for you or your family.

Blessed Be, Amanda