10 Years Sober

(Originally published 29 February 2020) 

I knew it was coming up, but I actually missed my own 10-year sobriety anniversary! It got eclipsed by official notification of my career position—ending a 14-month temporary assignment (which had been extended 3 months beyond the original 12) & the increasingly anxious 7-month job hunt for a more secure placement. But I know this is a major milestone, and I want to acknowledge it.

Getting and staying sober was also the beginning of my journey away from obesity to greater wellness. It’s not that I was completely unhealthy before. I was into personal growth and working on my PTS issues, I ate lots of vegetable, I exercised some and was proud of my flexibility. Even at my heaviest (215 pounds on a 5’3” frame), I could bend at the waist and place my hands flat on the floor.

I had tried to get sober with AA back in California, but had several unfortunate experiences that, as an incest survivor, made me feel unsafe in meetings and with sponsors. So I had to find my own inspiration that was strong and genuine enough to tackle the challenge on my own.

My epiphany was realizing that drinking disconnected me from the Goddess. I was not willing to trade my spiritual well-being for temporary pleasure. I knew that alcohol was contributing to my obesity, as all good sense was overruled by the desire for tasty snacks to go along with the wine I drank. And I knew I was wasting a lot of money on empty calories. So rather than focus on what I didn’t want or on my “powerlessness” (the language in AA’s Step 1 can be triggering for abuse survivors), I figured out how much money I was spending on wine and chips every week, and set that aside to buy something I really wanted, that fed my spirit.

In my first year of sobriety I bought 3 framed paintings on layaway from an art store in the mall. The first (and most expensive) was a large one of Yosemite Valley at daybreak under a light dusting of snow. It was sitting in the window as I passed by, and I fell in love with it. It now hangs on my living room wall to bless and inspire me every day. The other two are a peaceful pool in a snowy wood at night, and a splashing stream as it cascades through a forest at dawn. I love their beauty and energy, and the fact that they remind me that I matter and so does my well-being. They represent my connection to Nature and the Divine.

And so I choose to honor my accomplishment, my history, and my journey. If my example inspires or encourages others, it would please me greatly.

Blessed Be, Amanda