Loving Ourselves

(Originally published 14 February 2012) 

I do adore this site for giving us the tools and the space to come together, and my Spark Friends for enriching my life as we walk this path together. And it is a good thing to tell the people who matter to us how very much we care, not just on Valentine's Day, but every day of the year.

Self-love is often the harder lesson to learn and practice. The pain and suffering I hear in some of my Spark Friends' sharings—and the blogs I discover that they have commented on—can make my heart just ache. I am saddened whenever I hear someone expressing that belief that they aren't good enough or they can never change.

I hate these lies that too many of us were sold in the past that stand as a barrier to creating the joyful and healthy lives that we all desire and deserve. And my comments are often variations on the message to be gentle with yourself, let go of trying to be perfect, choose one small, positive step you can take now, and when you are ready, take one more babystep.

I was blessed years ago to have taken a number of Living Love workshops that explored our programming—our thoughts, beliefs and expectations that create our all-too-often negative emotional experiences—and offered tools to consciously "reprogram" ourselves. Founder Ken Keyes Jr's favorite reprogramming phrase, which workshop participants were encouraged to repeat 1,000 times a day (with the aid of a "clicker" or traffic counter), was "I am beautiful, capable and lovable."

(That phrase was the basis of the chorus of Jai Josefs' marvelous song "I Love Myself the Way I Am": "I'm beautiful and capable of being the best me I can. And I love myself just the way I am." Singing those words, and the lyrics of other great Living Love songs is another delightful method of reprogramming yourself.)

Therapy and affirmations and exploring my spiritual nature have also played a large role in my continued healing. I often recommend Louise Hay's You Can Heal Your Life (especially the lovely illustrated & updated gift edition), though I sometimes forget to suggest skipping the early chapter "What I Believe." I don't agree with all she says there, and you don't have to for the powerful tools she offers to work for you. I'm rereading it again, and the chapters on the willingness to change and overcoming resistance are extremely valuable and to the point.

Following Louise Hay's strong endorsement of mirror work, and the fantastic February challenges of my co-leader of A Gathering of Goddesses (following a "Love Thyself" theme), this morning I looked in the mirror and spoke to myself of how much I love the woman in the mirror, how much I want to make her dreams come true, and sharing my commitment to taking consistent actions (and those of you who know me know I'm talking babysteps) to reach my goals. It's a great exercise; I recommend it to all my Spark buds! 

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