It has nothing to do with being smart or capable

(Originally published 30 November 2015) 

Those were the arresting words my therapist said to me about my clutter. I had just recounted how losing those 65 pounds hadn't been nearly as hard as trying to get rid of and organize my "stuff." I had assumed I could use the same babystep approach that helped me gradually shed the excess weight, but I'm not having the same sort of success. "I'm smart. It shouldn't be this hard. I should be able to figure it out!"

That's when she told me "Your clutter has nothing to do with being smart or capable. It's about something else." And no, she didn't explain what it IS about; I get that I need to explore and decide that for myself. And I've already begun to address it in my journaling and parts work.

But it has helped relieve some of the intense pain and shame I feel. As I told her, I was always more ashamed of my clutter than of my fat. Somehow I was always compassionate about my body, knowing I was no less lovable or worthy because of being obese. So why is this different for me? I don't yet know. But I'm working on it. And I'm striving to be more compassionate toward myself and the excess stuff I live with.

I realize for some of you who don't struggle with clutter or who struggle more with being overweight or something else, you may want to substitute your issue here, but the message is the same. And maybe it can give you a measure of hope or peace as well, even as you continue to work on creating a healthier, happier you.

Blessed Be, Amanda


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