Casual cruelty (Yes, words can hurt)

(Originally published 18 September 2011 as Casual cruelty at the gym) 

I was roughly in the middle of my workout, feeling good, recording my reps and weights (increased a couple of the latter), saying my simplified affirmations through my slow repetitions. There was a guy on the machine next to me, and as two of his friends approached him, one called out "Hey b***h!"

The name wasn't addressed to me, the voice wasn't especially loud (nor had any attempt been made to soften it, so the speaker evidently felt no compunction about his choice of words or volume in a public setting), and the tone wasn't angry or threatening. (It was said in that joking manner Martians use to insult each other, like "doofus" or "jerkwad.")

Still, my mood plummeted. It was one more example of how little respect some men have for women. The fact that derogatory terms for women or female anatomy should be used as insults just feel like one more attack, one more violation. And as an incest survivor, maybe I'm more sensitive. I don't know.

I continued my workout—with little joy now. At times, tears threatened, and I had to go outside at one point to walk and pray, and ask the Goddess "What do I do with this pain?" The answer I got was "Build your life, use your gifts." So I figured I would write a blog. But I can't help wondering whether attitudes will ever change, and when will men step up and tell their brothers "That's enough" or "That's not acceptable"?

Because, let's face it, what man (especially the ones who need to hear it) would listen to a woman describe how hurtful such language can be without dismissing ("you're too thin-skinned" or "can't you take a joke?"), insulting ("what's wrong, you on the rag or something?"), or attacking (verbally or otherwise). And what woman, especially those of us who have experienced abuse, wants to risk her physical and emotional safety?

In addition to altering some of my affirmations as I finished my workout, it helped to recite the Serenity Prayer. And I consciously put my focus elsewhere when I read my organizing book on the elliptical machine. So I chose to "build my life" and now I'm "using my gifts" by blogging here. I accept that I can't change the way other people think and behave. So I will manifest my courage and wisdom by saying "This hurts, and I don't like it. I wish it would stop." And I do feel more serene.

[I don't always remember to look at the comments other Spark People members made, but this was a great one: "When you hear that word, say to yourself, 'Yes, I AM Beautiful, Intelligent, Talented, Creative, and Honest!!!! I AM a child of the Goddess, no less than the trees and the stars, and I have a right to be here!'"