Gratitude and Grieving

 [Note: I began drafting this on 11/28/25 and finished on 1/1/26]

I thought to begin this on Thanksgiving Day when gratitude is a natural theme, and certainly one I celebrated by putting my ‘Give Thanks’ sign in the front window and sending ecards to family and friends. The grieving theme is big for me now as I just put my dear Dora, kitty companion for thirteen years, to sleep on the Monday before Thanksgiving.

I’m grateful for the years of comfort and companionship I had with her, as I had for sixteen years with my first furbaby, Kenny. I’m especially grateful that I had a sweet cat to talk to and cuddle with through the long years of applying for job after job, trying to break out of a low paid customer service position with the state. Then less than a year and a half into my higher paid job with the county, we all got sent home to answer phones remotely all through the pandemic and beyond.

For those nearly five years until I retired, Dora was my constant companion who eased my isolation. She was a blessing and a boon to my mental health. After her rapid decline and the decision to euthanize, my dear therapist offered the perspective that Dora had fulfilled her purpose in my life and knew it was OK to leave me now. That was a comfort to hear and contemplate.

I’ve done a pretty good job of giving myself the space and grace to mourn her. For days and weeks, I would hear or see something in my peripheral vision and think it was her. Or I would be ready to take one of our routine actions, only to remember “Oh, I don’t need to do that anymore.” I also got back into the habit of cuddling with one of my soft plushy bears—which I’ve only done in times of emotional distress, and not for a good long while before losing her.

Another tool I found to help self-soothe was to play one of my “peaceful music” videos from a playlist I created on YouTube. The channel constantly recommends similar titles, sometimes with water sounds or birdsong along with gentle piano music, or like the Lord of the Rings inspired ones I’ve recently discovered with harp, violins and woodwinds. I play these during my morning journaling sessions, sometimes snuggling a plushie, since I no longer have a kitty napping or purring on my lap.

Five and a half weeks later, I still find myself missing her, though I also find my life has gotten easier in some ways, even while a bit lonelier. I’m not obsessively checking to ensure she isn’t escaping the apartment every time I open the door. I was able to do full tarot reading spreads for Yule and New Year’s without having her want to hop into the middle of things or lay down on top of my MotherPeace card layout. And I didn’t have to arrange for cat sitting when my sister and I spent two nights down in Oregon attending a family holiday gathering in early December.

My AD—After Dora—life is different. It’s getting easier and I’m feeling more at peace, while consciously practicing good self-care and staying connected to people. And I still frequently express gratitude, both to Dora and to the Goddess, for the wonderful years we had together.