Amanda's Musings

(Originally published 27 September 2016)  This was my status update last night: Rats! I had this vision of rearranging some things in the living room to have what I use most often easy to get to--but now it's less accessible due to clutter that got relocated. Discouraging! I've done a lot of parts work over the years, and in my daily journaling, I have a number of pretty distinctive inner parts/voices/selves who sometimes lead different sections of our journaling sessions. One sort of junior, helping part really stepped up and spoke out this morning in relation to the previous evening's upset. Here's what she had to say: “I am woman, hear me roar!  We may have had a setback yesterday, but we are on the move. We haven't arrived yet at how we want our space to look and feel and function, but we're taking steps, we're in motion, so a big hooray for us!! And really, bringing in new energy and making a change is strong and creative . Leaving things as they ...

(Originally published 20 February 2016)  "Maybe you can't rewrite history, but it's not too late to change the future if you set your mind to it." I shared this quote from a magical mystery, Ghost of a Potion by Heather Blake, in my status this morning. I find this profoundly wise. Whether we are regretting a poor choice (in eating, spending, not putting things away) or recalling a major trauma we've experienced, we cannot change what has already occurred. We can, however, change our internal dialog, and the choices we make next. (That's how I interpret "changing the future by setting your mind to it.") I find I'm much happier when I choose not to grind on misfortune, mistreatment by another, or mistakes I've made. It can be helpful to recognize how certain experiences have shaped our thinking and reactions, or to see our patterns and the consequences of our choices. But focusing on negative results isn't very motivating or empowering...

(Originally published 30 November 2015)  Those were the arresting words my therapist said to me about my clutter. I had just recounted how losing those 65 pounds hadn't been nearly as hard as trying to get rid of and organize my "stuff." I had assumed I could use the same babystep approach that helped me gradually shed the excess weight, but I'm not having the same sort of success. "I'm smart. It shouldn't be this hard. I should be able to figure it out!" That's when she told me "Your clutter has nothing to do with being smart or capable. It's about something else." And no, she didn't explain what it IS about; I get that I need to explore and decide that for myself. And I've already begun to address it in my journaling and parts work. But it has helped relieve some of the intense pain and shame I feel. As I told her, I was always more ashamed of my clutter than of my fat. Somehow I was always compassionate about my body,...

(Originally published 26 August 2015)  Here is another of my morning rituals, that I perform to put myself in a positive mood. As I mentioned in my last blog, "I devised [them] to help combat the emotional pain and sometime despair that plagued me all too often when I contemplated the poor management, negligence and dissatisfaction I experience at work." I actually started practicing this one first, but now I start with Breathing In the Day, followed by Singing In the Morning. It's rather like a Gratitude Journal, simply writing down positives to focus on from the previous day. I include blessings and acts kindness from others, but what I list most often are things I've done that I'm proud of, and progress I made. Acknowledging my accomplishments and babysteps helps me stay motivated and encouraged, especially when there is a lot of stress and numerous obstacles to deal with. I know many people like to reflect on their day at night, recalling their blessings a...

(Originally published 1 August 2015) This is one of my morning rituals, that I perform to put myself in a positive mood. I devised it to help combat the emotional pain and sometime despair that plagued me all too often when I contemplated the poor management, negligence, and dissatisfaction I experience at work. After more than a year and a half of active looking, I still have not secured the right position, but I rarely feel demoralized and hopeless these days, and this has been one of the tools to help me. After brewing my morning coffee, I get out my journal, and using different colors on alternating lines (this isn't essential, I just like the visual impact), I write the words "Breathe in ____. Breathe in _____." Sometimes I will pair alliterative attributes such as Strength and Success, Flexibility and Focus, Purpose and Passion. Other times I will pair a longer word and a shorter one so as to fit them on a single line, so that "Breathe in" appears at the...

(Originally published 30 May 2015)  A teammate asked for any advice to prepare her for her first mammogram, and this is what I shared: I didn't have a mammogram until after I turned 50, and out of the 4 I've had, 2 went well and 2 triggered PTSD episodes. Things I've found that can help: Schedule extra time, so you aren't rushed. If you can control the pressure knob/dial/pedal, it's easier to take your time and be with the discomfort when someone else isn't "doing it to you." K eep breathing! Don't be afraid to halt the procedure if you're getting freaked, or if your tech is causing problems. I wish I had been stronger on this last time. Bring a champion to help you stay present, watch your reactions, and intercede if necessary. My sister is going to do this for me next time, as she did so well with my dental procedures. Warn them ahead of your issues (with the large numbers of abuse survivors, they should be sensitive to all this already!) a...

(Originally published 25 December 2014) I’ve made my peace with scaling back on gift buying, given the economy and my (so far) unsuccessful attempts to obtain a better-paying job. And then I ended up sick, and have put off joining my sister and brother-in-law for a holiday get-together. So I find myself contemplating the giving and receiving of gifts. In my status today, I posted this: “In this season, & on this day of exchanging gifts, what non-material gifts will you pledge to yourself? A gift of time, of planning, of acceptance, support or encouragement? What will help you most?” I don’t claim to have any great words of wisdom, just the sense that what really matters most, and what will benefit our lives in the most profound ways, are those intangibles that only we can bestow: the changes in attitude, thoughts, actions, habits and patterns that can lead to consistent—if slow—progress toward our most cherished fitness, organizational, relationship, financial, emotional health...